Read My Lips:

Letter To My Sister

2010-06-11T02:22:00.003+08:00

"I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry seeing you leave at the airport. And I didn’t.

But of course...I cried at home.

Your absence means a lot to me, partly because I’ve never been apart from you for more than 2 weeks without feeling all bothered and restless. (Why do you think I had always texted you every Friday, asking you when you’d be coming home from BJ?)

Then I realized that the reason I felt that way is because I’ve always felt secure knowing that you’re around. Like having a sense of direction. Something to fall back on when things get sticky.

A safety net.

You’re the mom when Mom wasn’t Mom, and you’re the best friend when I had none.

So you can figure out why your leaving me is a thing that’s gonna take a whole lot of getting used to…even if it’s only for a year. But a year isn’t short, you know. Like, try not to shave your armpits for a year and see what you can start hiding in them. You’d be surprised at how disgustingly masculine you would look, and all that growth can take just one year to happen!

Anyway, all I know is that not having you around is not gonna be easy. To tell the truth, I’m pretty scared. Scared to be alone once Bot goes away too. "Close" friends don’t mean much to me (not at the moment, at least) and I kinda have given up on the idea of having any. I just don’t see the point…they’d end letting me down anyway- bad.

But you don’t. So go firgue.

And I hate sleeping alone…it’s scary. But mom sure snores a lot. I mean, aloud.

So, to sum up all that I’ve said so far: I CAN’T LIVE WITH YOU SO FAR AWAY!

Don’t worry too much, though. I’ll snap out of it…sooner or later. Just make sure that you keep sending me emails. And postcards. And photographs of yourself and of all the things that made you laugh. And tell the postman, “You better hurry, cause my Adik’s back home, waiting for me”. Send me songs that you have heard, and all that you have learned (well, not academically) and send me all that you’ve seen. Tralalalalalaaaaa….

Love you, Wa. Take care of yourself and don't go looking up the Scotsmen's kilts. Bye!"

Let's Start Anew, Shall We?

2010-05-18T01:34:00.003+08:00

Hi, I am Ezzati "Pia" Zahari. I am a tutor and I like my job. I'm starting college soon and I hope I will like it as well.

Um.

I may probably not be the most sincere person you'd meet. I can be selfish and extremely impatient, and would always use sarcasm at every chance I get. I am blunt, I don't beat around the bush and I will snap at people who do. I am analytical with people, and will scrutinize every bit of detail about them. I will let my dissatisfaction be known whenever I want it to be. I always think I am right, and at times when I'm not, I will manipulate the situation and turn it my way. And I will win.

Now that's a refreshing new view, is it not?

Would You Love Me When I'm...

2010-02-24T18:41:00.000+08:00

Would you love me when I'm old, my dear,
Say, when I turn sixty-nine?
When my hearing's become rather unclear,
And I've to shout to you all the time?

Would you love me when my sight's gone bad,
And I leave my glasses around?
When I don't look as good as I once had,
And I've gained some extra pounds?

Would you love me still when my smooth hands
have become rough and bony?
When I've lost my shape of an hourglass,
And have stretch marks on my tummy?

When all of my teeth have fallen off,
And I've wrinkles 'round my mouth,
Will I still be the one you love,
Though my breasts are heading south?

Would you love me when my bottom droops,
And I've a pair of flabby wings?
When I start to smell like cabbage soup,
Would you try to change a thing?

When my black hair's turned silver and gray,
And my veins look like a map,
Would you mind if I push you away,
Just to take another nap?

'Cause I'd love you still, no matter how
You'll look like when you're old,
I'll love you then as I do now,
For I love your heart of gold.

Obsessions Aren't Always Bad...

2010-02-08T11:21:00.003+08:00

they give good ideas for songwriting, actually.

'Nozuka' by Pia Zahari

Staring at nothing, nothing that I can see
Put my headphones on and there you are
There you are, singing to me
And I'm starting to think that it's unhealthy
This stupid mental love affair I made up 'bout you and me
You and me

Chorus:
'Cause I dream about it, then I laugh at myself
And I'm starting to think that I need some serious help
'Cause I keep asking myself again and again
Why I keep writing songs 'bout my obsession with that man

So anyway, baby, hope you'd get what I mean
'Cause you're lovely, baby, and I'm just seventeen
It's been nice hearing your voice, but now I've gotta go
I'll listen to ya later, 'cause my iPod's battery's low
Oh no!

Repeat chorus:
Cause I dream about it, then I laugh at myself
And I'm starting to think that I need some serious help
'Cause I keep asking myself again and again
Why I keep writing songs 'bout my obsession
So I'm obsessed
So I'll keep writing songs 'bout my obsession with that man

Kihkihkih

2010-02-01T16:18:00.004+08:00

Have You?

2010-01-20T01:33:00.003+08:00

Have you ever tried to fly
but you fall; your wings are too small
Or felt, in your throat, the bitterness of bile
To swallow all these changes, you'll never win.
Stubborn, like a butterfly at sea
They never sink in.

And the agonizing stare you get
When you look into the mirror.

No cars or tea to pick you up
Have you ever felt like letting yourself loose
From the noose around your chest?
When you are Duck and they are all Goose
It's a question of Bad and Good
Unsure of who turns left.

Have you ever felt that sickening emotion
Boiling at the core of your stomach?
Or felt the walls turn into muck
at the touch of your claws?
What is it with all these laws
of companions and speech?
It's a leech, sucking
the joy out of breathing.

#$%^&*

2010-01-20T01:14:00.003+08:00

Ah screw it. Screw everything.

Well someone's gotta do it.

2009-10-08T18:26:00.003+08:00

"Do you wish men to speak well of you? Then never speak well of yourself."

-PASCAL

In other words,

Don't flatter yourself. It's disgusting.

Avenged Lipat-lipat

2009-09-24T20:42:00.004+08:00

Dear God,

The only thing I ask of you is

to grant me the will

to start studying my ass off

again.

2009-09-14T18:01:00.004+08:00

Something is

missing.

Can you feel the

gap ?

When things have gotten a bit too

repetitive. repetitive. repetitive. repetitive.

Ironic.

Untitled Song # 6 (lyrics)

2009-09-14T17:47:00.003+08:00

I forgot to post the lyrics for Untitled Song #6 (yes, it is still untitled).

(INSERT TITLE HERE)

Darling, what's gotten into you?
Have you found someone new?
Well, is that true?

Now, dear, pardon the way that I ask
But is she somebody from your past?
So will it last?

Pre-chorus:
Now, tell me
What's it gonna be?
Is it her that you'd prefer?
No darling, say it's me

1st Chorus:
'Cause if you need me, say it
If you don't, then leave
'Cause as far as I know,
Tango's not for three
And if you'd realize
That it's you and me...

Then you won't leave me
Hangin' like a chandelier
Pretending I was never here
Then go around parading
Like I'm some kind of trophy that you've won

Well, you didn't win my heart
Uh uh
No you didn't win my heart

Thank God for that
Thank God for that
Thank God for that

2nd Chorus:
'Cause if you knew it won't work anyway
If you knew all along
Why did you stay?
But believe me, darling, when I say
I'm gonna get (did I say find?) my way

Someday
Someday
Someday
I'm gonna get my way
Someday

Darling, what's gotten into you?
Have you found someone new?
Well, is that true?

Now, Dear, pardon the way that I ask,
But is she somebody from your past?
So will it last?

Now, tell me
What's it gonna be?
Is it her that you'd prefer?
Oh, Darling, say it's me

Darling, say it's me.

Heh.

2009-09-04T17:03:00.003+08:00

Papah, my grandma was talking about zaman Jepun at Perak to my 9 year old cousin, Tina, last week.

Papah: Dulu-dulu, yang pompuan semua lari masuk utan bila Jepun datang.
Tina : Kenapa?
Papah: Hai, kalau deme nampak yang comei-comei tu, ingat deme nak bior je?
Tina : Oh. Papah pun lari masuk hutan jugak?
Papah: Atei... Mesti la.
Tina : Papah comel ke? *ketawa*

Between Mama and Wawa a few days ago about...sluts.

Mama: Mama tahu la perangai orang macam ni, Mama dah banyak makan garam tau.
Wawa: (Looking at me) Makan garam. Sebab tu la dia hypertension. *gelak kuat-kuat*
Mama: So the lesson of the story is, don't let other people see you as a slut. And don't be a slut.
Wawa: Or don't be a slut....in public. *senyum sinis*

...AIDS?

2009-08-31T00:10:00.002+08:00

I don't know for sure, but Miss vet said that Bob Sa'adon has got some kind of animals AIDS (Hence the pneumonia and jaundice).

So I googled it. But a load of bullsh*t came up. Nothing helped.

So Mama has been weighing the options. One of them being putting him to sleep. And of course I told her no.

Oh and I forgot to mention that Wawa ran over his legs with her car. Miss vet couldn't detect any fractures or broken bones, but he still couldn't stand up. So instead she discovered the AIDS thingy.

You know, I have a feeling that maybe Bob just misses my dad.

Uncle vet said...

2009-08-26T00:19:00.002+08:00

My cat Bob Sa'adon has pneumonia.

I'm quite devastated.

Sigh. I love you Don.

UntitledSong # 6

2009-08-24T23:44:00.006+08:00

New song! Quality sucks and shall be re-recorded! Other opinions not needed unless it's for the song's title!

www.myspace.com/piazahari

Datang!

2009-08-14T14:33:00.002+08:00

Melawati Live!

A fundraising charity event featuring SMKTM's talents
KKlub, Taman Melawati
Sunday, 16th August 2009
12pm to 4pm
Tickets sold at RM15

And I'll be performing thank you.

Angels and Devils

2009-08-07T10:33:00.003+08:00

School's been a bore, so I skipped school for two days in a week now. Woke up at 9.30am on both days. Studied. Petang pergi tuition. Went back home, another tuition. Malam study. Tido.

Same thing pada hari-hari yang pergi sekolah.
Rasa macam mental sikit pun ada.

Takpe takpe, December will come.

SPM

1. Bahasa Malaysia
2. Bahasa Inggeris*
3. Mathematics*
4. Science
5. Sejarah
6. Agama Islam
7. Prinsip Perakaunan*
8. Ekonomi Asas
9. Literature in English*
10. Pendidikan Seni Visual*

*Favourites
Bold: BENCI TIADA TAHAP

Faham?

2009-07-29T22:13:00.003+08:00

Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress

Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap Tahap

Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk Beruk

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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Walking Through a Field of Sunflowers

2009-07-28T20:38:00.002+08:00

When I look at this picture images of my father and I flash through my mind like snippets of a movie. Too many of them.

Haih, rindunya.

Let's See,

2009-07-28T00:09:00.003+08:00

Jika kau rasa kau hensem, pada hakikatnya kau tak.
Tak hensem.

Sumpah tak pasal.

Maaf kepada sesiapa yang terasa mukanya telah saya conteng dengan hodoh sekali pada Hari Karnival sekolah bengong saya (or hari koko ke apa tah) dengan harapan untuk mendapatkan hasil "face painting" yang menarik lagi berkualiti. Jikalau kalian meneliti gambar di bawah, kalian pasti akan dapat mengerti ketensionan dan kebiulan dan kepenatan saya untuk mengikut schedule dan memenuhi permintaan para hadirin sekalian sehingga terpaksa menghubungi kalian semula dengan telefon bimbit saya yang berwarna hot pink.

Muka constipated.

Tapi alangkah sedihnya saya apabila diberitahu bahawa booth-booth dah nak tutup so kena kemas segala binatang di booth masing-masing. Waiting list masih panjang. Tak sempat call. Tak sempat siap. Lagi-lagi adik kecil form 4 yang mungkin bernama Shah yang nak cat muka jadi macam mamat Meet Uncle Hussein tu. Tapi tak berkesempatan lah dik. Akak penat tahap *****sofjwpei. (cewah "Akak") Dari pukul 8 sampai 12 akak dok cat muka orang tak stop stop.

Maaf ye dik. Dan juga sesiapa yang tak sempat conteng muka hari tu. I lef yu ye.

After Months of No Poetry,

2009-07-18T23:50:00.008+08:00

Walk Slower, My Darling
19th July 2009

Walk slower, my Darling,
or thou shalt never see,
the grace of dewdrops wet
that sleep on myrtle leaves.
Or hear the birds' duet;
the songs of honey bees,
Walk slower, my Darling,
Or thou shalt never see.

Walk slower, my Darling,
bathe in the sunset's rain,
Drink in the blue sky's tears
that doth not feel the pain.
Have thou no dreadful fear
of the untraveled lane;
Walk slower, my Darling,
Or never see again.

2009-07-17T22:14:00.002+08:00

Shit happens. You just have to scrape it off your shoe and learn to avoid it next time.

Wait ah watching Slumdog Millionaire

!

2009-07-11T16:45:00.002+08:00

I found my collection of short stories that I had written when I was young(er) yesterday.

I was mortified when I read them again.

I almost laughed myself to tears when I realized what a colorful imagination I had. Pair that with a less colorful vocabulary and you'd get the exact replica of my monotonous, mushy love stories. I was revolted, to be honest.

Don't blame me, though. I wrote that when I was thirteen. At a time when the desperation to find love (or what I perceived as love at that time, at least) brought me to create my own world of imaginary dates with an imaginary boyfriend with turquoise eyes and "brown hair with blond highlights" named Ollie a.k.a Olliver Patterson.

Or another short story I wrote back in Form 3. That one is tad bit better than the previous story, considering that I was a little older. But I did not put myself directly as the first person, though the concept of an imaginary boyfriend still existed. This guy is called Leo Catcher.

..........and the leading lady is named Aries something. HAHAHAHAH don't ask.

The Epitome Of Stupidity

2009-07-07T16:13:00.005+08:00

Akwa poked his pretty head between the doors of my class today and said in a hushed-hushed way:

"SPOT CHECK!"

Those two words seemed to trigger a domino-like effect on everybody and suddenly everyone had panic attacks. I left my phone inside my Vespa so I wasn't too worried, though I still asked Zafir and AJ to hide my cherry lip balm for me. I live on lip balms so I wouldn't wanna risk it. (Yes, being in school means you can't look pretty, which means you're not permitted to bring cosmetics in any form. That includes lip balms, which I heard one prefect refer to as "lipstik". Like, "Saya ada rampas phone, mp3, dan lipstik", she told one girl. They would rather see you with white, flaky, chapped lips than allow you to bring a lip balm to school. I don't even know why this is even an issue in the first place. So why am I still writing about lip balms and unhealthy lips? Hmm because I can.)

So they hid it inside Zafir's inhaler. Clever.

Pendek cerita ramai jugak kantoi. But not for hiding cell phones. Just some tiny stuffs (like perfume Victoria Secret kepunyaan Faradon, and mp4 Fared. Ehh tak, tu tak tiny. Sorry Fared. I hope you'll get it back. Saya akan doakan kejayaanmu. I love you too.)

Tadi rasa tak sihat sangat. Penat ngantuk tak boleh nafas semua la. Haih. After recess ada pulak kes gaduh. Siapa gaduh? Tak tahu. Perlu tahu? Tak jugak. Tapi sebenarnya dah tahu dah. Ptuuiii. Tapi yang bestnya, bukan ada SATU incident, tapi TIGA. And all broke out at the same time, at three different places. Sampai polis pun datang ha amik kau. Cikgu semua bajet gangster nak join skali bawak rotan. Hek eleh, rotan apa barang? Budak-budak tu jentik sikit dah patah. Nasib takde cikgu baca blog ni.

Lemme Tell You Something:

2009-06-26T19:49:00.004+08:00

1. Don't love yourself too much.
2. Don't be too public about everything.
3. Wax your legs when you need to.
4. Don't be a skank.
5. All sweet things have a tendency to turn sour.

The Moon & You

2009-06-22T23:34:00.004+08:00

Eh eh. Internet macam tahi kambing.

I bought a ukulele last last last Saturday (kot) dekat Chambers Music. 89 bucks. Heh. Punya nak sangat, balik tu terus buat lagu. Tapi baru siap last week eheh.

I don't know how to post a lagu here so just visit my MySpace Music. Lyrics semua dah taruk. Senang hidup heh.

Unnamed Song # 5

2009-06-07T21:24:00.007+08:00

Prom's in December, and the committee held an audition for the performance slot last Thursday. Sya told me that I was already guaranteed a spot (as the opening act) so I didn't think of coming. But then I went anyway since Aina called.

I went with Zaha on my Cabai and they asked me to play a song just to pass the time. They were waiting for Jijie's band to appear, so I said what the heck and tried one. I told them other band mates to just join in where they see fit, and to my surprise it sounded pretty pleasing :) Hanif Azmir main rhythm, Zeqi main bass, Adil (later replaced by Khairul) main drums, and the ever so talented Naz main lead. They're SO performing with me :)

So here goes the raw version of the song. Record atas katil je, lighting pun macam tahi. Abaikan je la k.

I suddenly had a melodic moment a few weeks ago, so I just dug through my old lyrics and poems and simply used a random one for this song.

This is Unnamed Song # 5.

BAHAHAHA ASAL MUKA AKU MACAM TU??! Macam makan asam, hahahaha! Ke macam muka kena marah? Hahah hodoh sia. Heh mampuss la, bukan hari-hari dapat tengok gambar kita yang hodoh. Eeehh, ok sekarang dapat la. Apa la. Maka dengan itu, sila lah tekan play cepat-cepat ye. Mekasih.

2009-06-02T13:01:00.000+08:00

Rasa...kosong.

.....Kosong, kan?

27.5.09

2009-05-14T21:22:00.005+08:00

Bapak lama tak blog. Sebenarnya nak sangat post pasal performance kat RooF, tapi entah la. Tak berperasaan.

Hari ni rasa nak complaaaaain je. But don't worry, takkan complain kat sini. Dah meluahkan segala isi hati dan perut kat Amin. Tapi Internet pulak macam shite. Pastu rumah bising macam s**l. Mat Remp rambut oren tu melalak tak ingat dunia. Syahdu je menyanyi lagu "Isabella". Whatthefaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa he's playing with my guitar!!! EEEEEEE get your hands offffffffffffffff youuuu rambut macam carrottttt

The Notebook

2009-04-29T22:47:00.003+08:00

SO!

I've got good news and bad news.

The good news:
I'll be performing at this new place called RooF in Taman Setiawangsa. The stage is mine for the whole night, baby. Mari bawa sekampung! Oh, nah hamik kau MAP.

Now the bad news:
I cut my pinky at the stationery shop. Don't ask me how. A stupid notebook fell. 'Nuff said.

Now the REAL bad news:
I cut the tip of my LEFT pinky. And it hurts quite bad.

...........So HOW the HELL am I going to PLAY the GUITAR and play at least FIFTEEN SONGS?!?!

aehtwi ougvag tint hered sdgi pswegja dehg sfdhsdgffffffffffftyttthhhhhh!!

The damn thing ain't gonna heal in two days!

I've been freaking out ever since I realized it. Which was much later after the accident. GAAH I feel like eating my cat~

Feel It Move Yo Bodeyh

2009-04-25T21:06:00.003+08:00

Hmm no I don't get that either but whatev~

***

You know how sometimes the weirdest things can seem to just pop into your mind, right out of the blue?

Like, when you're sitting in the car, enjoying the contrast between the yellow street lamps and the dark blue sky, then suddenly the most unbelievably brilliant phrase creeps into your mind. And it makes you think, "Damn, that's a good line."

You'd ponder over it some more, trying to get more out of it as you possibly can. And then suddenly a duck flies across your windshield (please don't ask about my recent fascination with ducks flying across windshields) and the whole beautifully strung words just slip away like a good idea.

And that, nevermind the duck, is exactly the reason I bring a pen wherever I go. Well most of the time anyway.

Sometimes, though. You can never tell when you will be inspired to write something. I believe that the best ideas will come out of the hiding at times when you are not looking for it. Sometimes, looking hard for something is not looking hard enough. Which is why I tend to find the crappiest things to write about and somehow wrap it up in a piece of melody that sounds good enough to my ears...and poof!

It just amazes me how the simplest line can have so many meanings, and how a few more of those lines can form such a beautiful story. You'd have to agree, no?

Anywayayay.
I had just written a short song.

And,

...it's about my cat, BonBon.

Seperti Mengerti

Tenangnya dirimu
Ku lihat, ku tersenyum
Dan bila rindu
Ku renung gambarmu
Pabila jauh terasa

Chorus:
Oh, kau seperti mengerti
Isi hati ini
Walau tiada perasaan
Di sebalik renungan
Matamu itu
Namun kau seperti mengerti

Bila angin membawa ribut
Kau memancarkan
Sinar baru
Hanya dengan caramu
Sayang, adakah kau tahu?

I'll record it later :)

This post is LONG OVERDUE

2009-04-25T09:50:00.005+08:00

Maaf, segala kesulitan amat dikesali.

4th April 2009:

"I nak bawak you keluar boleh? Celebrate your birthday." said Amin.
"Okay, pegi mana?" said I.
"I dunno, you tengok je lah."

So he picked me up after a half an hour delay. He said something came up blah di blah. But then surprised me with a sunflower bouquet :D

We reached the highway.
"Ah, shit." he muttered.
"Why?"
"I...hate traffic jams."

Suddenly his phone beeped. Wasn't really paying attention when he made a call, said something like "Yes, yes, confirm datang, but lambat sikit."
So I chirped, "You made a reservation?"
"I dunno, maybe?" he said.
"Where are you taking me then?" I asked, hoping to scratch anything out.
"You'll see."

He took me to Pavilion.
"Ngeh? You made reservation where meh?" I asked.
"I didn't tell you I made any." Said he.
"Oh..." my heart sank. Oh well.

He brought me around to look for a present. Suddenly he got a call. Said his friend saw him around there and wanted to meet. The said friend was at RedBox, so we went.

"Dia nak jumpa sini ke?" I asked at the entrance.
"Yeah, he's inside. I need to pass something to him jap. Jom la."

Outside of room 53 (or was it 52?), I got a little nervous.
"I segan la nak jumpa your friends. I've never met them before."
"Takpe, buat apa nak malu?" said he.
"Eee tak nak la, you pergi la sorang. I tunggu luar." I said, stalling.
"Takpe, jommmmm." he said, sounding a little impatient. And with that, he took my hand and knocked on the door.

It opened slowly, then....,

SURPRIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSEEEEEE!!!!

And out came the birthday song.

Zara,
Elyn,
Faradee,
Zeqi,
Zahar,
Fared,
Ruzai.

Zara held up a cake. (Which, I later found out, was Amin's Mama's creation. Thank you Auntie!)

My mouth was like Gua Niah for what seemed like 2 minutes.

"Ija, tiup lilin Ija."
I stood still. Gua Niah and all.
"Ijaaaa, cepat Ija, kitorang tamau makan candle wax." said Fared.
"Oh oh yes yes." And with that I blew out the stumpy pink candles. All three of them.

Well, no surprise that I cried after that.
I'm a big softie sometimes. Almost on the brink of being pathetic.
Ala terharu okay. Nak penyek2 je sekor2.

****************************************************************************

Zeqi

sooo hari sabtu hari tu, pergi pavilion. ada surprise party utk Ija. Zahra dengan Amin (boyfriend Ija) yg plan everything. umm mula² mcm tak boleh pegi sebab bondaku mcm tak bagi keluar. pastu dah kecewa dah. tiba² esok pagi nya Farid call, tanya pegi ke tak. pastu ckp ah tak sure sume. pastu Farid mcm suruh pegi jugak. so tanya lagi bondaku, tiba² dia bagi. haha pastu pegi ah, apa lagi.

umm time on the way nak pegi pavi, jalan jam gila dekat highway MRR2, mcm sial je. nasib baik scooter power aku power. senang je laluu. aku bawak laju² sebab rasa mcm dah lambat, Farid peluk² aku pastu jerit² " ZEQIIIII BABIIIIIIII ! ". Farid mmg penakut. achooh takde ah, tipu je la.

umm time dah sampai pavi, call ah Zahra, pastu tiba² Zahra ckp diorg tak sampai lagi, diorg tengah stuck dekat traffic jam. haha buat letih je aku bawak laju. pastu aku dengan Farid tunggu ah, tapi nasib baik 10 minit je, pastu Zahra message suruh jumpa dekat Redbox. soo dah jumpa kitorg get ready semua laa pastu ada² je, tertinggal camera dlm kereta laa, lupa nak beli candle laa, lupa tu laa lupa ni laa. haha tapi nasib baik semua bende tu sempat diperbetul sblm Ija sampai.

heheheh yang ada Zahra Elyn Faradee Ruzai Zaha Farid dgn aku. dengan Amin. dah la aku dengan Ruzai pakai shirt sama. sial gila doh hahah. umm so time Ija dah nak sampai, amin call la suruh get ready. time tu Amin tengah dgn Ija pastu Amin ckp nak pegi jumpa kawan jap dekat Redbox. haha Ija tak tau yg kawan Amin tu kitorg. memang ah dia taktau, dah kata ni surprise party. bodoh sial aku. mampus laa.

haaa bila Ija sampai Amin bukak pintu pastu semua jerit mcm gila, " SURPRISE !! " haha pastu Ija ternganga besar gila lama gila. haha berjaya. pastu kitorg pun kareoke laa, tapi aku tak nyanyi pun, malas nak market suara heheheh. umm haha lepas dah habis kareoke, kita jalan² jap dekat pavi pastu dah boring sangat sebab takde bende dah nak buat, nak tengok movie sebenarnya tapi ramai sgt org. ciss. pastu kitorg pegi damai, makan minum shisha lepak. pastu balik. hahah itu jee. heheh.

Meet Zeqi!

And Fared.

zeqizawawi.blogspot.com

***************************************************************************

Turns out, Zara and Amin had been planning since March.

' We reached the highway.
"Ah, shit." he muttered.
"Why?"
"I...hate traffic jams." '

Liar.
On the highway, Ruzai somehow drove up right next to us, with Zaha, Zara, Faradee and Elyn in his car. They were shouting hysterically, "SHIT! KERETA AMIN!!"
And Amin saw them too.

'Suddenly his phone beeped.'

Zara texted him.
"****"
To which he replied, "I know."

The girls had to hide at the back seat to avoid me seeing them.
BAHAH, knowing me, I wouldn't have noticed if a duck flew across the windshield.

And all the calls Amin had made, were actually Zara's. And I had never suspected anything. Not a single thing. No mean feat to surprise me, I suppose. Heh.

Before the big suppliisee!

The master minds :)

I can never thank you guys enough. Turning seventeen really is sweet :)

Deyy!

2009-04-10T23:20:00.003+08:00

Cepat laaaaa nak gambar hari tu!

ZARA SURUH RUZAI BAK DATANG GAMBAR TU OR KITA CURI CAMERA DIA!

2nd April 1992

2009-04-03T14:37:00.002+08:00

Imagine.

Sweating the hell out of you trying to figure out the stupid function for the stupid straight line and feeling stupid yourself. Whaaat la, simple oso cannot do. Aiyo, didn't study la, what to do?

"Ijaaaaaaaaaa it's 11 la bukan -11!"
Oh. Heh. Thanks Elyn.

It was sweltering inside the class, and I was running out of time. Shitake mushrooms! Alaaaa hantar je lah paper bongok ni!

And so terhantar lah paper bongok tu. Dah, baibai.

Hmph.
Ada ke exam MATHS + ACCOUNTS + AGAMA on my birthday?
Tak guna punya skolah. Bakar kang.

Punya nak rasa spesel sikit punya pasal, maka suka suka hati je lah saya menyanyi lagu "Happy Birthday" by Stevie Wonder sampai tersekat-sekat suara merdunya di dalam otak yang penuh format accounts. Nyanyi sampaaai balik rumah. Balik rumah makan ayam bakar 2 ketul sorang-sorang sambil tengok tv. Pastu tido 3 jam.

So I'm finally seventeen. Dunno why, but this year tak excited langsung. Ngeh. Nak kata tua, tak la tua sangat. Poyo je aku ni.

Mespes Kambing

2009-03-21T12:20:00.000+08:00

Hey guys!

I've finally made a MySpace Music account after the persistent nagging of my darling Zara Baby:

www.myspace.com/piazahari

Most of my latest songs will be uploaded there.

Um enjoy! :D

Itik Makan Ice-cream

2009-03-16T11:28:00.000+08:00

My hair is as dry as a stack of hay. Kambing pun suka makan. Hadoyai. What to do?

Simple Pleasures

2009-03-15T22:35:00.000+08:00

Amin and I went to Ain's makan-makan for young orphans at her house last Saturday. I love kids, so you can bet I had a great time with them :) Nah gambar, taken from tuan punya blog.

The one who managed to capture my heart right from the start, Amir :)

And this is how he did it. Look at those adorable dimples!

Me: Amir berapa tahun?
Amir: Lima. Amir ada abang, nama dia Abang Mi.
Me: Oh, Abang Mi pulak umur berapa?
Amir: 2 tahun. *smiles*

Sentuhan Kelso :P

With my favourites, Amir and Shamsuri.

The whole lot.

After they went home, Amin and I played around with Ain's guitar and her kitten, Obama a.k.a Bummer.

Macam ni lah, sayang...

With Ain's little cousin.
Amin dukung comel je :D

Muka Amin yang cuak kerana tak suka kucing. Loser punya jantan :P

Fooling around with Ain's camera before going home.

I miss this kid :( Amir, come back!

Remput

2009-03-15T19:27:00.000+08:00

The sound was deafening. The wind blew through my hair and made it dance like mad. The specks of dust were stinging my arms as the rough wind slapped against my skin.

Aah, bliss.

Beautiful bike you got there, Zaha ;)

My best boy friend/neighbour bought a superbike (tak super sangat sebenarnya), Aprilia something something. Took me for a spin/rempeting around Melawati. I wore his helmet yang warna-warni and tak nampak muka punya. Duduk kat belakang dia, aduuuuh, tonggek setinggi langit! Lepastu dia bawak laju-laju. I held on to his small frame as though I'd have been one with the wind if I hadn't. Tapi dia kata tu tak laju pun sebenarnya. Ciss. Loser sungguh saya.

Malam tadi pulak pergi makan at McD. He wanted to test my now RED Vespa Fly 150. Best, malam-malam sejuk! My ride is a baaaaaaby. I just suck at riding on it :P

Thanks for a mind-, ear-, and hair-blowing time Zaha. And for listening to the crap I told you at McD. Love ya loads, smelly!

~Ouch

2009-03-09T18:30:00.000+08:00

It's not love if you love somebody only without their flaws.
It's not love if you love somebody only when they treat you right.

Love is when you learn to see an imperfect person, perfectly.

And how come you didn't ask me what I felt, if you say I haven't been fair?

Won't be the same now, would it.

Jason dan Vespa

2009-03-09T17:27:00.001+08:00

So.
Jason Mraz performed in Kuala Lumpur last Wednesday.
I went.
And I think 'awesome' is an understatement.
Haaaaaah, I was so happy to get to breathe in his air!
Jason I wanna have your babies! ;>

Ok so anyway, since Daddy can't pick me up from school anymore, Ma wants me to take up classes bawak motor so I can go anywhere by myself. I told Elyn and she's going for it too. Hooray!

So today we went cari-cari scooter. I told her I'm not getting anything unless it's a Vespa. (Ngade, I know) I've been a Vespa fan since the first time I saw it. Sukaaa sangat tahap dewa bulan! So I went to the kedai and saw two scooters that do not look much like Vespas, until I saw the PIAGGIO (note: PIAggio :P ) label and the Vespa thingy at the butt. Not exactly the kind I'd normally like, but I said whattheheck, ugly no ugly, still Italian :P

The model: FLY150.

Takdela moto kapchai mat remp tepi jalan kan. Mereka tak guna Vespa nak racing...kan?

Ma said I'm gonna have to pay her back in the amount of A's I'll get for SPM. Wah motivatednya saya (dalam nada yang leper/flat)

Expect one exactly like this around school some time soon!

Bunga itu kuning.

2009-03-01T16:08:00.000+08:00

Eee February test macam tahi unta.

I FLUNKED MY ECONOMICS PAPER.

Didn't read that much. Who's to blame? :P

Heish rindunya~
I love you, Daddy. Forever.

Beginning of an End

2009-02-13T18:06:00.001+08:00

I was reading my dear Sarah's blog. Her father is my father's closest brother, so we're pretty tight. She had been having a tough time too, but she's a tough girl herself. So I'm relieved to know that she, too, has found a way.

This post here is her first little step to recall the memories of her Pak Long:

"Pulau Pemanggil
- Pak Long, my dad and some other few men went fishing at night at the dock.. Pak Long's plastic bait got stuck between the rocks below.. At that time, only me and Pak Long noticed because I was watching him fishing..

Then, Pak Long pretended that he caught a fish.. Pak Long called my dad, "Bangdek! (my dad's nickname) Bangdek! Tengok ni! Tengok ni!" He pulled his fishing rod, which made it look like he caught something.. I noticed all of the men wanted to come and see what it was.. But then, me and Pak Long laughed.. So, everyone knew that it was a joke.. Hahaha..

- The whole family went to this island somewhere near to Pulau Pemanggil.. We went swimming in the beach.. There was a stone dock there.. We swam near there.. I don't know why but somehow I got panicked while swimming.. So, I desperately went up the stone dock.. Pak Long went up there too..

That stone dock was pointy and sharp which made me and Pak Long bleed.. But then, Pak Long told me, "Takpe Sarah.. Kita berdarah sama-sama.." I didn't expect that he would say something like that.. Usually people would say, "Tahan la Sarah.." "Laa.. Darah sikit je.." But not him.. hehehe.. That was touching..

The day I got my PMR results
- Me, my sis and my dad went to my dad's station.. Pak Long was there.. He came up and asked me about my results..
P.L : Macam mana result??
Me : Err.. Tak ok sangat la..
P.L : Dapat berapa??
Me : 3a 5b..
P.L : Ohh.. Ok la tu.. Asalkan takde C kan??
He said that with a big smile.."

Yes, that's my daddy. Always with a smile around his loved ones. Always so very talkative. He always had a way when it comes to comforting. Insensitive, some people might say. But he would make you feel like you're not going through something alone. Like his niece's case up there :)

It makes me smile to think about the laughter he had brought to other people's lives. It makes me laugh to recall the funny memories he had left behind. And it also makes me cry to realize that I won't get to relive them again.

I had always held daddy's hand wherever we went. I loved the feeling of my small hand wrapped inside his big palm and long fingers. Sometimes I held his two fingers only, like I had when I was too small to grasp the whole of his hand. I guess that's why I have always had a thing for guys with big hands, hahaha ;)

I was very close to him. He wasn't any ordinary working dad, first of all because he didn't work. But also because he was always so keen to get involved in his children's life. He asked my sister once:

"Abang takde gelpren (girlfriend) ke? Abah tengok ramaaaaai je girl-girl tangkap gambar dengan dia. Takkan takde koooot, umur camtu mesti ada tak? Heheheh."
(dalam nada makcik-makcik gossip di sebalik pagar rumah. Macam xoxo gossip girl pulak)

On Father's Day last year:

Wawa: Abah jom tangkap gambar!

Wawa: ABAAAAAAHHH....! *laughs*
Daddy: *Laughs* heheh ok ok.

Hahaha. So yeah. That's daddy.

I love you, Daddy. Forever.

A Lesson

2009-02-05T19:46:00.000+08:00

No last words, no goodbyes. So many things undone, so many things unsaid.

But it's ok now Daddy. 'Cause now I know that not everything needs a closure. Sometimes things just happen. And all that you'd be left with is just a lesson.

A lesson that teaches you to cherish. A lesson that teaches you not to wait, wait until death teaches you to realize life. A lesson that teaches you the way to stand stronger than before.

Mama told me it's ok to let go.
It's ok to move on.
'Cause that's what you would have wanted.

I won't hold back the tears if they decide to fall, but neither would I let my grief steal my smiles.

'Cause bitterness isn't worth clinging to. It just isn't.

You will always be in my thoughts, Bah. And I'll no longer cry for your absence, but for the beautiful memories I have shared with you. You and I were really good friends, weren't we? :)

So yes Daddy. I'm gonna be okay. And I know you're gonna be there with me.

Thank you for forgiving
Hurtful things I've done
As a child, adolescent or woman
Thank you for embracing
A flaxen-haired baby
Although I'm aware you had your doubts
I guess anybody'd have had doubts

Please be at peace father
I'm at peace with you
Bitterness isn't worth clinging to
After all the anguish we've all been through

Thank you for the mountains
The lake of the clouds
I'm picturing you and me there right now
As the crystal cascades showered down

Strange to feel that proud, strong man
Grip tightly to my hand
Hard to see the life inside
Wane as the days went by
Trying to preserve each word
He murmured in my ear
Watching part of my life disappear

Father, thanks for reaching out and lovingly
Saying that you've always been proud of me
I needed to feel that so desperately
You're always alive inside of me
Now you're shining like
A sunflower up in the sky
Way up high

-Mariah Carey, Sunflowers For Alfred Roy

I love you, Daddy. Forever.

Sunflowers

2009-02-01T12:22:00.000+08:00

Daddy was in my dream again. Two nights ago.

He was waiting for me at the school gate to pick me up. I held his hand while we were walking. I remember feeling so very happy.
I thought he wasn't gone.

"Daddy's not gone" I said, laughing. I said that as I looked at his hand gripping tightly on to mine. I was so happy I think I laughed in my sleep.

Sometimes, dreams tend to confuse themselves with memories.
Then reality would wake you up with a whack on the head.

And then you'd realize that your mind was only playing back pieces of your life in a movie.

No one can understand the feeling I felt when I woke up on his side of the bed.
On his pillow. To his picture.
And realizing that that's all there's left.

His absence is slowly dawning on me. The days before, the fact he's really gone was just floating about on the surface, rocking lazily here and there.
But I can sense it drowning.
And when it finally settles, it's gonna hit rock bottom. Hard.
And I'm just gonna have to prepare myself for that moment, not knowing who's gonna be there.

Wawa would be away.
My brother would be working.
And so would Mama.

I'd come home from school with none of his cheerful greetings and gentle kisses that would tickle my cheeks because of his moustache.

It's strange to see how people can seem so happy now.
It's strange because I felt as though the whole world died when he did.
The world. Just. Died.

You have no idea how hard it is to fall asleep at night. And you have no idea how painful it is to wake up in the mornings.

Let me sleep, so I won't have to think about it.
Don't wake me up, 'cause I don't want to think about it.

I'll just write about him. I'm gonna keep writing about him. I'm gonna help myself heal the only way I know how.

'Cause the cheerful faces and sunny smiles I put on nowadays are nothing more than pathetic band-aids to cover up the wide, gaping hole.

I'll plant a sunflower on your grave, Daddy. You were my sunflower.
I promise you.

I love you, Daddy. Forever.

T-Shirt

2009-01-30T11:18:00.000+08:00

I dreamt of Daddy this morning.

I was in the kitchen. He came down, his face serene and smiling. He was wearing his favourite worn-out maroon t-shirt, the one that's frayed at the collar. I got up and hugged his big belly. He hugged me back and said to me softly,

"Adik tidur bilik Abah ye?"

I smiled up to him and he laughed. He bent down to kiss my cheek, then whispered in my ear,

"Love you too."

He kissed my cheeks some more and I kissed his back. I hugged him tight.
Then walked away.

I woke up sobbing uncontrollably.

I was sleeping in his room. On his bed.

I miss you, Bah.

I want to bring back the days when you were watching TV, when I would sit on your lap and lay my head on your chest to hear your heartbeat. I often told myself:

"You better do this as often as you can while you can still hear it beating."

I would snuggle up to you and feel how warm you were. I had always been a Daddy's Girl. I was Daddy's Littlest Girl.

Daddy, I miss you, so much that I can't even understand.

I love you, Daddy. Forever.

Picture

2009-01-28T17:59:00.001+08:00

I woke up today and the first thing I saw was Daddy's picture on Ma's bedside table. The first thing that hit me was: "I am never going to see this face again."

Never again. Not when I graduate, not when I get my first job, not when I get married. My children wouldn't even get to meet this wonderful man.

I broke down in the shower, after days of holding back my tears in my effort to appear strong for my family. For everyone.

"Be strong", people tell me. Why don't you tell me what "being strong" means? How do I do it? 'Cause until now I still don't know. Does being strong mean not crying? Until when should I keep being strong?

"Let go", they tell me. Let go, how? They'd tell me to not forget about him, then tell me to let go. Let go of what? His memories?

It's so easy to say words that seem soothing to the ears, but do nothing to soothe the pain. Sometimes I wish they'd just shut up. Try cutting your limbs off and having people telling you to be strong while your arms and legs are gushing out blood. Try hearing them say it over and over and over again. For every day of the week. Then tell me how you feel.

I know they mean well. I appreciate their honest intentions. But forgive me if I'm too weak to handle it. I guess I'm not so strong after all. It's a lot harder than I thought it'd be.

The body has a way of numbing itself to face devastating news so it can still function.

I was holding his two fingers, like I always had when I was little. I held them. Tight.
Until they held mine no more.

It's still so new. I can still hear his laughter in my mind. I can still picture his happy face. I can almost feel his hand stroking my hair. I don't ever want them to fade. I don't want to forget his voice, I don't want his face to be a blur image. And I don't want to forget his scent.

I don't want to cry. It hurts the most when the tears fall.

I love you Daddy. Forever.

Petals

2009-01-27T14:46:00.000+08:00

I'm still too fragile to write about what I feel. Let time play its part and become my crutches to help me stand again. It will help me heal.

Petals of my favourite shades sit lifeless where you lie,
Shriveled from the coldness of the tears of the grey sky,
Trying to preserve your voice, your laughter, and your words,
I'd never thought I'd miss someone so badly that it hurts.

Took your presence for granted, I have myself to blame,
Now all that's left are memories, and pictures in a frame,
Wish I'd spent more time with you, held your fingers tight,
I'd kiss your cheeks more often, while you were still in sight.

But I won't let this poem be one that's filled with regrets,
For I know it won't bring you back with all the tears I shed,
Don't tell me to let go just yet, 'cause I still feel you're here,

As I was there to watch a part of my life disappear.

Daddy, 9.7.1958 - 19.1.2009

I love you, Daddy. Forever.

Typos

2009-01-15T19:44:00.000+08:00

...I type every time I type my blog URL:

piazaharo.blogspot.com

piazhaari.blogspot.com

piazahari.blosgpot.com

piazahari.blogspto.com

And my all-time favourite;

piazahari.blogspiot.com

I Should Get Caned For This.

2009-01-15T19:18:00.000+08:00

My English teacher said to me yesterday:

"Do you interested in joining public speaking?"

I told her that I'll think about it. Then Low Hin Loong asked her about the handouts she had passed around:

"Teacher, paste in what book, teacher?"

A little miffed, she replied:

"See Low? You are not listen!"

Yes teacher. I is sorry Low is not listen. I should tell Low to listens more. And I is not know, teacher. Do I should joining public speaking?

Ok ok teacher. I is stop now.

Aaaaah I is so mean :S

Don't get me wrong, she's really fun and....adorable. I likes her very much :D

Wawa cepat la balik adik boring niiii

2009-01-09T14:37:00.000+08:00

Okkk. Come come see something funny!

I figure that some of you would recognize this page:

Alamak tak nampak.

Nah nah:

Listen to the echoes of my song,
Of my song that sings to you,
Listen close as they sing along,
And they'll speak to you, too.

Listen closely to my voice,
Find the meaning that lies within,
Listen to the whispering noise,
That tails the words I sing.

You'll hear more than a melody,
That speaks loud and true,
A message weaved in beautifully,
In a tune that sings of you.

The echoes will tell you everything,
That you'll ever need to know,
Of how you're the only song I sing,
Even in notes that sing so low.

So listen to the echoes, love;
As they do what they do,
They'll come like a love note from a dove,
Saying nothing but "I love you".

It's one of my personal favorites :)

Ok ok so I went to school today and while stuffing my face with the nasi goreng my maid packed for recess, my desk-neighbor Sabiene asked whether that poem is mine.

"Yang mana?"
"Ala, yang ada echo echo tu. Kita pernah baca."
"Um, 'The Echoes of My Song?' "
"Haaa yeah! Ending dia cam, something something 'I love you' kan?"

Then she told me that she found some girl in Friendster who copied and edited the poem....and uploaded it in a picture. (Apparently she's her "friend"....somewhere in Kelantan)

So cute riiiight....got dove dove flying oso!

To tell the truth, I'm somewhat flattered, if not amused. Rasa nak amik lah gambar tu, buat screensaver. Personalized gitu. Heheh.

Sekol Sekol

2009-01-04T15:38:00.000+08:00

It's feels almost surreal that I'll be starting my last year of school tomorrow. Tiba-tiba pulak demam. Demam pegi sekolah. Ewww sekolah.
Geli geli ketiak I.

As usual, I haven't bought a thing for school yet. Not my uniform, my school shoes, not even my buku latihan. It's already 3.45pm and Ma, complete with her makeup, is taking a nap. Dah nak keluar dah ni, baju pun dah cantik cantik, pastu "Adik Mama ngantuk la. Ma tido jap eh." Even a professional procrastinator like myself is starting to worry, when I remembered my form 3 Maths teacher's long-ago words:

"Procrastination is a thief of time,"

she'd often say. Bingit telinga dengar. (Ooops terkutuk! Terbroken salah satu Resolusi 2oo9! Tertak kisah!)

Every Little Word

2009-01-02T17:07:00.000+08:00

New video uploaded! Click here.

Every Little Word
(for anybody who just won't say it.)

Say anything anytime you want
It's only you and I
Come on, talk to me

The walls are getting higher
I can't see you even though I try
You're fading out of my sight

Chorus:
So tell me what's on your mind
For once don't try to fight
'Cause I know it's all inside
Every little word you hide
And how can I get a little closer
If you don't take the time?
'Cause babe I can't read your mind

Tell me what we're trying to prove
When I can't even get through you
'Can't see you through the smoke, oh

No it won't be the same this time
But for God's sake can't you see I'm trying?
Babe, I'm trying

Repeat chorus

Bridge:
No I can't read your mind
No

So tell me what's on your mind

Resolusi 2009

2009-01-02T16:22:00.000+08:00

Ngeh ngeh ngeh. Ada ke?

Ok la ok la ada.

I will:
1. Record all of my songs.
2. Stick to Ma's warning: "You cut your hair short, I'll cut your head off!"
3. Tukar guitar strings.
4. Wear (even for a day) the pretty pair of heels that I've always wanted to but didn't dare to because they are also a pair of feet killers.
6. Write poems to reach a count of 100.
5. Study. (the hardest, by far)
6. Buy a cheap cell phone for my "special" number.

I will not:
1. Become a sloth.
2. Buy bras and not wear them because I keep buying more new bras after that.
3. Skip breakfast.
4. Sleep in class....too much.
5. Kutuk my teachers no matter how bitchy he/she can be.
6. Forget to wear my retainers at night.

We'll see. We'll see.

01 01 09

2009-01-01T19:05:00.000+08:00

Two thousand nine!

Says it all :D

My Knight In Shining Tin Foil;

2008-12-30T00:15:00.000+08:00

"I was thinking about you today,
But that's nothing new,
I thought about you yesterday,
And the day before that too."

Tahpape je

2008-12-25T01:07:00.000+08:00

Ok tempat tu adalah sangat loser.

Where:
Kulim, Kedah. Like right smack in the middle of nowhere-ish.

Accommodation:
Putra Garden Homestay (like, I KNOW.)

With whom:
My family, brother excluded
Pak Ngah's family, Fah and Joe excluded
Pak Chek's family, Mak Chek excluded
Uncle Nordin the 6"3 man

Journey:
A 10-hour train ride from KL Sentral to Sungai Petani. The men (Daddy, Pak Ngah, Pak Chek and Uncle Nordin) drove with our bagasi, so we didn't bring much. I shared a bunk bed with my 12-year-old cousin Haziq 'cause somehow we had only 8 beds. Hmm.

Arrived at about 6.15 am. The men were already there and they found out that we could only check in after 2 pm. SO....what did we do till then?

Activities:
Day 1
To kill time we went to this pasar pagi. Bought breakfast. Mama bought 3 remarkably magical hair combs that could remarkably magically cure almost all existing diseases. Like, you comb your hair with it and your sinus will disappear. Um, comb WHAT hair, your nose's?

Decided to have breakfast by some waterfall somewhere. MANYAAAAK SEMUT. Pak Chek brought his guitar and I played a song and we both sang along. By the river. With all the skinny rempits around. Jiwang gils. Geli geli ketiak I.

Then shampoo rambut dalam sungai. Pastu semua orang yang datang after that buat jugak. Eeee bokkkk je.

Day 2
The men went to some hutan somewhere and brought the kids along to mandi in a bigger sungai there.
The girls (Mama, Mak Ngah, Sarah, Wawa and I) drove to Penang to shop (heh what else?). I got a pretty silk cheongsam. My mom's a MEAN bargainer, she got it for RM38 from RM 66. HAH beat that.

That night (or morning...it was around 2ish am) Kamal, Danial, Sarah and I were so sangaped we sneaked out to go minum teh. We walked to the kedai belakang rumah but it was closed. Pfffft.

So we walked and walked to find ANY LIVING coffee shops or mamak or whatever. OmyGod I tell you, that place was as dead as a graveyard. ALL the shops were closed, and (yang paling tak boleh terima) there were ABSOLUTELY NO CARS around. Not even a bike. The neighborhood looked somewhat maju for an area as terpencil as that, but I have never seen a deader place in my life. Tempat tu loser yang sebenar!

So we walked back and Kamal amik kunci kereta truck Pak Ngah without permission and we drove till sampai a seafood restaurant that seemed to be open across the highway kat depan tu. (Well I dunno, apparently the pathetic seafood restaurant closes at 3am) Tak jauh pun, guling-guling dah sampai. Dah la takde orang.

Day 3
Ciao. On the way back, we stopped at Cameron Highlands (ceh "stop" macam kat tepi jalan je). Saja-saja round round naik kereta sampai pening. I was craving for the cendawan goreng, kihkihkih. MAMA, on the other hand, was making all the penjajas happy by buying most of what was in their gerai.

Pastu balik tido.

Heh pictures sat ni tampal.

Pssst,

2008-12-25T01:04:00.000+08:00

"Fireflies" sudah upload! Sila cari link dalam kotak-kotak kat sebelah ni :D

Come On, Turn Me On

2008-12-16T22:32:00.000+08:00

Like a flower
Waiting to bloom
Like a lightbulb
In a dark room
I'm just sitting here waiting for you
To come on home
And turn me on

Like the desert
Waiting for the rain
Like a school kid
Waiting for the spring
I'm just sitting here waiting for you
To come on home
And turn me on

My poor heart
It's been so dark
Since you've been gone
After all
You're the one who turns me off
You're the only one
Who can turn me back on

My hi-fi is waiting
For a new tune
My glass is waiting
For some fresh ice cubes
I'm just sitting here waiting for you
To come on home
And turn me on
Turn me on

-Turn Me On by Norah Jones

:)

2008-12-16T15:30:00.000+08:00

Amirul I.: hey pia,
Piaow: yes?
Amirul I.: i'm glad that we're friends again
Piaow: awww
Piaow: heyy
Piaow: we have always been, at least most of the time
Amirul I.: =)
Amirul I.: if there was one person i wouldnt want to lose as a friend, its you
Amirul I.: i mean you're the kind of friend that you keep till you get old tau

:)
Sejuk hati dengar.
Friends forever yo <3

A Little Bit More

2008-12-15T18:44:00.000+08:00

If you wanna show her that you care
Do more than just treat her right
'Cause it's more of you that she'll ever want
Not just a phone call every night

'Cause waitin' isn't something she'll do
If it is not for you
Better find your ways to make her stay
Or she'll be through with you

A little tenderness
A little patience
A little openness
A little
Just a little
Oh just a little bit more

Writing a new song. Haven't figured out the whole thing yet. More soon :)

Kelip-kelip

2008-12-12T15:31:00.000+08:00

Ok the smelliness of this blog is overwhelming.

Anyhow. I've been wanting to upload 3 new songs, but the camcorder and the computer are really bitches and don't really like each other so they refuse to let me upload anything. It's either that or I'm just really unskilled at...everything.

So here are the lyrics to one of the songs. Sing it to your liking for the time being.

This one is for anybody...who misses somebody :)

Fireflies

Black
Was the only shade last night
The roof was just a dark hole in my eyes
'Cause you were far away
And the sky just seemed to die

You picked
The light out from the stars
That burned scars in the night
And you hid it from my sight

Chorus:
Till I saw your light in the fireflies
'Cause you had the same glow in your eyes
And I miss you and your words
But this would have to work
'Cause I know your light is in the fireflies

They danced
In their silent steps
Like how I danced in your arms the same way
And I still remember
the scents of that day

Always
I think about your smile
And I thought it'd take forever
Till I look into your eyes again

Repeat chorus.

Meet Nanny Jett Li

2008-11-09T20:52:00.000+08:00

....and he's running around with my polka-dotted bra right at this moment.

My cousins and I went to the zoo last Friday with my one-year-old nephew, Aqif. I told his mom, my cousin Kak Long that I'd like to challenge myself to be his nanny during their whole stay with us. And so Aunty Jett became Nanny Jett, which Aunty Wawa then changed to Nanny Jett Li. (Don't ask why "Jett". Long story, it just stuck.)

Nanny Jett and Aqif

Mana takde muscle kalau buat macam ni hari hari?

Female Jason Mraz at the back, nama dia Bella :)

From left: Bella Mraz / pekerja zoo, photographer Mya Onn, Nanny Jett, mysterious man at the back, mysterious woman with ice cream, anak, Gran Tee, and...very happy girl.

And now I am the stroller-pusher and the nappy-changer and the feeder and the bather and the chaser. Good thing he likes water, though. Bad thing he's not a big eater this week. And bad thing he can run. Heh. And that little guy isn't very light too. I woke up yesterday with such sore arms I couldn't move them.

After a very very very tiring day at the zoo, we went for lunch at Pavilion. Thank God he fell asleep. At home I was knocked out instantly. The little man can be quite a handful when he's in a good mood, I tell you. But when I woke up the next day with his arms hugging my neck, his spit on my face and his little voice waking me up, "Jett, Jett, ngun ngun", I felt that it was all worth the pain...and the diapers :)

(Nanny tu pun dah penat sebenarnya)

[Insert Cusswords Here]

2008-11-06T21:19:00.000+08:00

Haven't been feeling myself lately. Stop giving me shit.

And to the a-hole who stole my cell phone, I hope your limbs fall off for dogs to eat.

Some CLEO model

2008-11-05T14:53:00.001+08:00

New drawing, finished it at school today.

I referred to a model in a magazine for the lighting. Wasn't sure about the mouth though.

I hate drawing hair. So I didn't draw much of it. Heh.

For this one, I used a 2B and 6B pencil, a kneaded eraser, a..normal eraser that's cut up to get a nice smooth edge, paper tissues and Q tips for blending, and a white gel pen for highlighting.
Oh and a good sketch pad. My previous sketch pad always wore out fast because of frequent erasing. I like this paper, it's pretty thick. Melawati's art store is like heaven, I wanna live there :)

Ma thought it was a picture of her. Ngeh, she always does :D

Beep

2008-11-04T21:29:00.000+08:00

To radios: Don't play a song if it has become such a necessity to censor some words that do not even need censoring.

Like Katy Perry's single "I Kissed A Girl", which was cut short to only "I Kissed ... (dot dot dot)". As though Google was invented for porn-surfing only.
Pssshhh. I kissed a what? My dog? The whole idea is still kissing, no? Why didn't they cut out the word "kiss" instead and be left with "I _____ a girl, and I liked it!"? I mean it would still sound stupid either way, wouldn't it?

And Edwin McCain's "I'll Be". I never knew how a beautiful love song can make somebody...suicidal.

Chorus:
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Which was then aired as....

Chorus:
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be "with the trappings of looooooooove"
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

...extracted from the pre-chorus.

Ok. So this happens to be one of my favoritest songs. Aside from the fact that "love" and "life" don't really sound good in rhymes, the whole line doesn't even make any sense to me. The music doesn't even match! And I don't really get the motive of changing something so deep and poetic that just happens to have the word "suicide" into something that sounds drunk. They must have thought something like "Oh no no no. No no. We cannot have this word here. People will start killing themselves if they hear this word on the radio. Death tolls too high. Change it change it."

And there's more. So many more.

If a song is so foul, I don't see why they should keep on airing it. I dunno bout you, but if any one of these dumb censored songs come on, I'd change the station immediately.

Maybe

2008-10-26T00:29:00.000+08:00

New vid :)

Maybe

She asked him "What's on your mind?"
As they sat there on the swings
He didn't answer for a minute or three, then said
"Do you know what you mean to me?"

"You're something special
and I don't care if you get fat
or if you shaved your hair
'Cause I can see through the skin
But I was just thinking, oh,
Will we go somewhere?"
She said...

Chorus:
"I know that you'll be true
and I feel the same way too
But I can't promise you something more
All I can say is
Maybe baby" 4X

He told her that he will wait
He said, "If that's what it's gonna take
To make you mine,
I'm willing to wait in the longest line"

She said, "I adore you
And maybe someday we'll see this through"
Because...

Repeat chorus 2X

"'Cause you're something special too..."

Giggle Giggle

2008-10-23T16:49:00.000+08:00

As silly as it sounds, I've been known to laugh in my sleep. I remember the first time that it happened was in my mom's room, quite some time ago. I couldn't remember why I laughed, because I certainly wasn't dreaming (or was I?) I can only recall feeling particularly happy and goofy, like when I'm making stupid noises with Elyn or when I accidentally hit Zara's boob with my pencil case (can't say I wasn't happy, I shouted "BULLS EYE!" with a fist in the air) I woke up in a laughing fit without a clue of why I was laughing. I looked around and saw mom at her dressing table with a what-the-hell? look on her face and half-puzzled/half-groggily asked "Ma, adik gelak eh tadi?" She nodded and I went back to sleep.

The second time was in my room. Now this one I remember quite vividly because it was quite recent. Wawa was using the laptop and I was sleeping. I remember dreaming about this horrendously-named person (I even wrote the name down), OLGITESCA. Well at least that's how I spell it. Hahaha. Then I remember my sister saying it so many times, it was so hilarious that I laughed non-stop (in the dream). But when I woke up I was still laughing, and Wawa was shaking me, calling "Adik? ADIK??" I looked at her and mumbled "Adik mimpi orang ni nama dia Olgi...." then turned around and drifted back off to sleep.

I realize that everytime I have a giggling fit in my sleep, I would almost instantaniously be woken up by it, still laughing. The third time it happened was recently too, and I remember (rather vaguely) having a dream about recording a song with a 3 insanely strange men, and I was to play the guitar. Instead I was given a pair of drum sticks. I was supposed to play E minor when the song started (I don't even know how I can remember that), but I didn't know how to so I just knocked away with the drum sticks (which, to my surprise, I was particularly good at). Then I realized that the drum sticks were actually chopsticks. Mom's favorite red ones at that. I found it so ridiculous and amusing I woke myself up laughing, again. But this time Wawa was already asleep so no one heard it. Heh.

Chilling, if you suddenly heard somebody laughing in the dead of night, eh? But I can bet you that mine is the least you'd have to be worried about:
I snort exceptionally loud when I sleep-laugh.......

......ok maybe worry a little.

My Umbrella ella ellas

2008-10-22T13:28:00.000+08:00

The word crazy seems to lose its meaning when you're with people who don't seem to fathom it themselves.

My bitches and I got wet.

We got wet because we walked in the rain.

We walked in the rain because there was no umbrella.

There was no umbrella because...
well I dunno, because none of us brought any.

We didn't bring an umbrella because we were going to study at a local cake shop.

Why cake shop?
Because there's cake.

Why study?
Because we were going to sit for an exam the day after.

One of my rocks

My rocks

And what Accounts did to them

Standing in the rain, ain't gonna leave you dry
Alamak Elyn tak ready

The Drenched Travelers.
Well the rain wans't particularly heavy, it was more like what I call "Romantic Rain".

Met Baha along the way. How sweet of him to strip half naked and lent me his t-shirt :) Thank you!

And thanks bitches :D

The Game Has Just Begun

2008-10-15T20:57:00.000+08:00

If you say that I didn't care,
Then why do you think I was there?
I told myself, "Don't be afraid,
He might have been 2 hours late,
But I know he'll come around,
He said he won't let me down"
My mistake to let you in,
My mistake that I gave in,
Thought this won't happen no more,
My mistake!-
I opened the door.
Shouldn't have worried too much,
Should have just got out of touch,
Said for me you'd really change,
And although it's kinda strange,
Yes, I bought your every word-
The best lie I've ever heard.
You only changed my view of you:
You're someone who won't be true,
True to his words, then bail out
when everything's smothered in doubt,
But neither anger nor jealousy
Will ever get the better of me,
I won't let you think you've won,
When the game has just begun.

Dancing

2008-10-14T20:41:00.000+08:00

Esok Science, haven't studied a thing and yet I'm still here, typing "t-y-p-i-n-g". I need to change. Hahaha.

Oh oh, new song on Youtube!

Dancing

Sat there staring
Saw you talking
For a second
Swore I thought you were mine
Til the moment you turned your eyes my way
But you didn't hold 'em there

Passed me by, I
stood for a while, I
hoped you'd try
Try to give me a smile
Instead of another lie, but I know
It'll all be a waste of time
'Cause you'd only play with my mind

But I know
My feelings show

Chorus:
'Cause you still got me dancing
And you still got me wondering
Why I just can't move on
Why I'm writing this song
Of you
You...

Tuesday you called
Out of the blue and
You said hi
Like everything was fine, when you know
You were tying me up inside
With the beautiful sound of your laugh

Half an hour
Felt much shorter
Felt so high
But then I was slapped back down to earth
when you reminded
me of how we used to be
But I know that's not what we need

'Cause I know
my feelings show

Repeat chorus 2x

MySpace

2008-10-07T18:49:00.000+08:00

Upon my darling Pipa's request, here's the lyrics to my second video, MySpace.

I woke up in the night and I was thinking of you
And I wish that you were thinking about me too
I know it's ridiculous because we barely know each other
But I wanna get to know you a little better

Pre-chorus:
'Cause I saw you
Out of the blue
And you just smiled
But it was well worth the while
'Cause I know you saw me too
And I could see it in your eyes
That you were hypnotized
And I know that this could
Go somewhere this time

Chorus:
I've only seen you once
but please don't let it be the last time
Seeing your MySpace profile ain't enough
Get outta my head
Get out, get out of all my dreams
I never knew it was gonna be this tough

It's dumb to see it this way 'cause you've got your little missy
But I can't help but wish that maybe I could be your lady
So if you're listening to this, baby go and find my number
'Cause I'll be waiting by the phone for ya

Repeat pre-chorus and chorus

Bridge:
And oh...
Wouldn't it be nice?
If I could wake up someday
And finally say that you're mine
Won't have to go online to see your fa-a-a-ace...

Repeat pre-chorus

...yeah so I stalk people. So what.

Ok so turns out, Ifa isn't Pipa. Hahahaha

YouTube?

2008-09-29T18:41:00.000+08:00

So my sister insisted on posting my song on YouTube. So um here it is. (The lyrics, I mean. I'm not gonna make it that easy for you to view the video :P)

Yellow In My Sunflowers

You're the sweetest thing I've known
Better than everything I own
Changed my mind completely

The best love song I've ever heard
Made up of every word
You sang to me

Chorus:
And though no one can ever see
What's between you and me
It don't matter much, it never meant a thing to me
'Cause you're the yellow in my sunflowers
You're the yellow in my sun

You make each second worth the while
My laugh lines deepen 'cause your my smile
Behind all my laughter

All the late phone talks at night
All the wrong suddenly feels right
I keep falling deeper

Repeat Chorus

In my sunflowers x4

You're the sweetest thing I've known
Better than everything I own
Changed my mind completely

Makan Kasut

2008-09-28T19:45:00.000+08:00

Picture this: A boy asked a girl out on a date. Girl agreed, and the next day arrived with her girlfriend maybe 10 to 15 minutes late. Boy said he was on his way. Girl waited with girlfriend, who decided to do her nails while waiting.

Girl waited for boy for half an hour. Girl was getting restless. Girl did not want to call boy up, she wanted to exude an air of "mystery" and make boy wonder why she hasn't bothered to ask of his whereabouts. One hour passed and soon girl was already half-lying on the chair next to girlfriend who decided to do her hair as well. Two hours passed. Girl was pissed and finally sent boy a text message:

G: where the hell r u?!
B: otw. my friend accident. i kat highway
G: pastu takleh call?
B: ala ala sorry la. i baru topup. jgn la marah. nnt i smpai i belanja u baju. deal?
G: nak makan kasut tak?
B: x nak
G. *explodes*

Girl thought of sending a hairdryer flying towards boy's head when he came. But when boy did arrive, she thought of just a small hairbrush instead- boy looked too good to get angrier at. Girl thought, funny how the eyes can lie.

Boleh picture?

My Boyfriend

2008-09-24T18:52:00.000+08:00

I am able to withstand extreme hunger and other life-threatening situations just by watching him sing. Ask any of my friends, and they'll tell you about my obsession with Jason Mraz. Ija-son Mraz, hahaha.

What I love so much about his songs is that none of them are...well, normal, cheesy, love songs. It's his eclectic style. His unpredictable singing. The beauty in his words. Humorous at times, straightforward, clever rhymes, sweet without the artificial sugary meanings. And that clear, strong, tenor voice. Ah.

And he's quite a character on stage with the audience too. So what's not to love about a man who writes oddly compelling songs, like this?:

Jason Mraz- So Unusual

This is the most unusual story
of a most unusual girl
She's the paint in my picture
of a most unusual world

She can crawl out a frame
while she's hanging on the wall
And she's calling my name
she's not so usual

She's most unusual
She's not so usual
She's so unusual

She's mostly a ghost
the way she watches over me
She complains when I smoke
but then you do the same to me

She's controlling my brain activity
knowing when I go to sleep
She'll catch me when I'm falling hard
she's so unusual

She's not so usual
She's not so usual
She's so unusual

She's not so
hooked on the drugs like I thought she was
And never suckin' on the lime
And hardly sippin' on the wine
And despite of her bi-polar roller coastering
I think I can trust
She'll keep me singing differently

And that's fine
'Cause she's with me now most all of the time
Trying and savin' the light
Thinking not of her own
And always kissing me goodnight
When I just need to be alone
She's so sweet
So discrete
She's exactly what I need
Not even make believe

She's not so usual

Yeahaha. I'mma marry him, baby.

Come On Down, Baby!

2008-09-20T23:33:00.000+08:00

Not much to talk about nowadays; school's been a bore, life in general has been like watching Daddy's hair grow (back).

So. A poem I wrote recently. Might have something to do with my personal life, but not completely. Or whatever, I don't think anybody really gives a hoot.

Was lying in bed, trying to sleep,
When suddenly I heard my cellphone beep,
Reaching for it, sleepy and slow,
A text from you said: "Look out your window."

I opened it quickly and peered outside,
Clad in your blue jeans and sweater, white,
"It's freezing out here!" you spoke silently,
"I couldn't sleep 'cause I need you with me."

"You out of your mind? What are you doing?
Do you realize that it's 2 in the morning?"
"I just miss you, that's all," you said and shrugged,
"Now come on down, baby, and give me a hug."

Resisting your charm was just impossible,
For the feeling of longing was too incredible,
"I miss you too," wind brushing my skin,
"You wait right there." I said, giving in.

Quietly I tip-toed my way through
the whole house just to be with you,
Outside, the wind was like blades of ice,
I knew I'm never doing this twice.

"Hey there, stranger," you whispered sweetly,
"Now give me the hug that you promised me."
I laughed like a child, feeling all warm,
As I helplessly fell into your arms.

Babes

2008-09-05T15:10:00.000+08:00

I wanna have babies.

Don't care about the 9 months part, I just wanna have babies.

I came across a website about reborn dolls. These are ordinary baby dolls that are, well, "reborn" into disturbingly life-like dolls. Some women make these babies for a living, earning a few hundred pounds per baby.

How a reborn baby is created: (extracted from wikipedia.com)

The doll is taken apart and factory paint is removed.
A purple color wash is applied to the inside of each vinyl part to give the appearance of realistic baby skin under tones.
The exterior is painted using various techniques to add to the appearance of translucent skin tones, with effects such as veins, blotching, and "milk-spots" to resemble the skin of a newborn baby.
Hair and eyelashes, usually fine mohair or human hair, are applied using rooting tools and felting needles strand by strand, which can take up to 30+ hours per head.
The original vinyl body is replaced with a soft stuffed and weighted body.
A magnet may be attached inside the mouth for attaching a magnetic pacifier. Additional enhancements may include a magnetically attached "umbilical cord", a battery powered heartbeat simulator, breathing simulator, and heat packs.

I watched a video of these babies (I prefer to call them "babies" than "dolls") and each of them even have their own cute little name. One video showed how the breathing simulator worked on the baby. I tell you, it looked so so so much like a real child, with the little chest moving up and down and the flawless skin tone and the limp life-like limbs. Some artists even include spines and a squishy belly, among other things.

Baby Sophia. Wouldn't have guessed, would you?

Baby Amy Louise.

Newborn Callie.

Baby Eve. Notice the details of the skin and hair and tiny tiny tiny eyelashes.

Baby Alice. My personal favorite. Look look look at those eyes :)

I wanna adopt a baby boy. I don't care.
I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care.
It's either that or having my own baby.

A Word Of Advice

2008-09-01T01:34:00.000+08:00

I've never noticed how blunt I can be until I read a conversation between me and Meera (my distant cousin). Maybe that's why she'd always come to me for "advice":

Ameera says:
ieja
Ameera says:
help
Pia says:
yo
Pia says:
yeah
Pia says:
isnt that why u always find me for
Ameera says:
i'll be honest with u
Ameera says:
ahahaha, no
Pia says:
?
Ameera says:
i think u tau, but
Ameera says:
i really need to get over him, I KNOW
Ameera says:
hahaha
Ameera says:
i don't know how,
Ameera says:
it really hurts
Pia says:
...and?
Ameera says:
i don't know how
Pia says:
ok um if u still have to find ME to tell YOU how to do it
Pia says:
then honestly honey
Pia says:
you're weak.
Pia says:
YOU'VE GOT TO DO IT FOR YOURSELF, sayang.
Pia says:
if u can set ur heart into forgetting him then u dont need me or anyone else to tell u how
Pia says:
it all starts with u
Pia says:
not anyone else
Pia says:
if u want it
Pia says:
then thats ur goal
Ameera says:
i really want to,
Ameera says:
i just
Ameera says:
cant stand the pain
Ameera says:
it really hurts so much
Pia says:
the pain is just one of the things u are going to have face head on
Pia says:
if a thing does not hurt, where is its value?
Ameera says:
yea
Ameera says:
damn, damn
Ameera says:
i tried to work things out and all
Ameera says:
but it seems like its just complicated
Ameera says:
and he doesn't care but he keeps on giving me hope
Ameera says:
yea, i wanna get over him, i wanna be able to smile and be happy without having to pretend to be
Ameera says:
i want him to see that im doing fine, and he'll regret leaving me. but u know what, he should be, and accept the fact that im over him
Ameera says:
but ieja, i really don't know what to do
Ameera says:
i'll be needing ur help to do so
Ameera says:
not because i have to, but i because i want to
Pia says:
and u shouldnt.
Pia says:
ok
Pia says:
1st things 1st: he's shit
Pia says:
2: you're dumb.
Pia says:
3: you dont need me.
Pia says:
4: i love you so i'll help
Pia says:
5: u dont need to get back at shit, cause as dumb as u are, u are way smarter than that
Pia says:
6. he hurt u once. it didnt work out. so take it as experience. theres no need to SHOW him ur happy, just KNOW u're happy. when u are truly happy, u wouldnt give a damn whether he knows or not
Pia says:
cause u have a life to run
Pia says:
u fall, u pick urself up and continue
Pia says:
cause a piece of shit like that isnt worth ur time, isnt worth the pain, the heartache
Pia says:
i cant tell u how to do it, i can only help u change ur way of thinking
Pia says:
in other words wash ur brain out with breeze or fab total
Ameera says:
YES. PLEASE
Ameera says:
hahaha
Pia says:
.........i think the 6 ++ points i've given u are good enough.
Pia says:
?
Ameera says:
ahahhaha
Ameera says:
where should i start then?
Pia says:
ask yourself that.
Pia says:
oh i've got a new poem btw
Ameera says:
yeay!
Ameera says:
nk bace
Ameera says:
^^
Pia says:
anyway
Pia says:
my point is: if u've set ur heart into getting over him, all the shit he said to give u hope wouldnt mean a thing, sayang.
Pia says:
thats all
Ameera says:
awww
Ameera says:
okay
Ameera says:
i'll set my mind to it
Ameera says:
yes! yes
Pia says:
thats my girl
Ameera says:
thank u ieja ^^

For a second there I almost thought of apologizing, but she loves me that way so whattheheck.

Hmm?

2008-08-31T21:16:00.000+08:00

My contacts are dry. My eyes are stinging.
Should stop my search for decent men, they're extinct.
Abang sucks. I don't like him. He bullies me a lot. I don't like him.
Hahaha Sluttinas.
Wasting life, should be doing AssMaths.
I mean AddMaths.

Horny on Sugar

2008-08-27T17:09:00.000+08:00

Today was an interestingly sugary day.

Two classmates of mine, Dineish and Kenneth were selling lollipops for 50 sen each. So as expected, most of my friends had plastic sticks sticking out of their mouths during class, and taking them out only when the teacher's coming.

I went down for recess with Elyn who still had a strawberry flavored lollipop shoved into her mouth (which we shared, HAHA). Were sitting around with the others when she suddenly got horny and went "IJAAAA, oh the pleasure of sucking!". I wasn't bothered with the sudden appearance of, well, her horns, so I shouted, "Okay Ells, suck harder. HARDERRRR!"

The others laughed, but Faris had the funniest look on his face. "Oh my God, Ija," he said, eyes wide. (Don't be fooled by that seemingly innocent line. Faris is waaaaaaay more advanced than you think) Then I looked next to him at Jaz who was already looking away, laughing. Then suddenly a loud voice broke through: "KAU NAK KE TAK, BODO?!" We turned and looked at Sya who was offering Lizzie some of her kuey tiau. Then Faris said to Adnan: "Tu dia tengah sambung Ija cakap tadi kat kau."

During the last period, Kenneth called me and gave me one of his lollipops. "Ni Jiji belikan." I did my usual oh-my-goodness-really-how-sweet act and thanked him. Then a few moments after that he called me again and gave me another one. "This one is from us, since you wanted strawberry," he said, smiling sheepishly. "No need to pay." Then Low added from the back of the class, "...because you're so beautiful!" I laughed and did my other version of the awwwww-how-very-nice-of-you-you-shouldn't-have performance (hey they always work, alright?) and blew kisses to the three 'saints'. "One for each of you," I smiled.

Oh. Just so you know. Blowing kisses is my favorite past time in school. And so is winking. ;) But not like my good friend Elyn over here, I don't get horny from sucking sugar. :p

Seremban Wedding Pics!

2008-08-23T16:54:00.000+08:00

Here are the pictures of Induk Ti's wedding in Seremban, 9th August 08.

Before bersanding

Bunga telur girls! From left: Farah, Pia, Yan.

Sugadaddy!

My own not-so-sugary daddy admiring his newly pimped ride.

The bride and the beca

A traditional malay dance before the bride and groom

Sarah's a shy girl. Heh.

Farah's idea. The bunga telur had a handle which she hung on her ears, and we thought it was so funny Yan and I did the same. Just in time for a picture!

Hurt & Sole

2008-08-20T22:39:00.000+08:00

Went out with 3 of my cousins yesterday. Wan's from Kuching, Ayen's from Kepong, Bella's from Miri, and Mya's from Gombak. Met up at KLCC first, then Mya and I wanted to go shopping so we went to Sg Wang. We separated from the boys for a while, 'cause we know they won't be able to keep up with us. Heh.

So after walking around for a while, I was starting to get blisters on my feet and walking like a penguin. I was like "WTH?! I paid a good 200 bucks for these Clarks!" I wanted to ignore them at first but then it got so unbearable I had to take them off. Yes, I had to, or risk tearing the skin on my size 3 feet. Then suddenly Mya took off her super-comfortable selipar jamban too so I won't be the only one feeling stupid. She was even willing to switch shoes, but after seeing her walking around in my shoes I told her to take them off- he feet were even smaller than mine. She looked even dumber walking in them than going barefeet. But that's what you call a friend :)

So we both walked around barefeet in Sg Wang, shopping for cute shorts. Not many noticed, but the ones who did kept staring. Some even stopped to turn around and look. So cute.

We met up again with the boys and being the gentlemen they are, carried our purchases without us even asking. After that we walked to Pavilion (with shoes on, mind you. But then took 'em off again once we got there) to join our aunts and cousins at Redbox. We sang every ridiculous song, every dangdut available there and danced Poco-poco at the front of the room. Oh and I was still barefooted. So much fun :)

Banyaknya Wedding

2008-08-20T20:33:00.000+08:00

My father's cousin (first cousin once removed) got married last two weeks in Seremban. My cousins and I were supposed to be the bunga telur girls, as usual. It was a traditional Negeri Sembilan wedding, with funny traditional songs sung in the dialect. Before bersanding, Induk Ti was paraded around the neighborhood in a trishaw my Pak Ngah (or was it Pak Chek?) pushed. So cool. My dad joked, "Nanti bila adik kahwin, Abah bawak naik basikal." I told him that I'd rather have him give me a piggy-back ride, thank you very much.

A week after that (17th August) my cousin on my mother's side got engaged at my kampung in Sungai Siput, Perak. It was on a Sunday, so on Saturday the whole extended family busied themselves preparing for the ceremony. The fiancee (Yong)'s mother, Wan Cik (or Mami) came back from Washington for the engagement and bought us ALL white Washington t-shirts. The whole family wore it on that Saturday, from the oldest of the pack to my one-year-old nephew Aqif. (too adorable to describe)

Sunday, 17th August- All the girls were the bunga telur girls (again), and I was also a part-time photographer. It was so freaking hot my make-up melted, heh. Yong looked like the prettiest wedding cake ever. Cantik sangat :) The fiance, Abang Rizal is in the States, so the two contacted through webcam. Sho shweet.

It was tiring, running around with my DSLR then switching to bunga telur mode. But it was so much fun. Exhilirating, should I say.

And what is a blog without some pictures, eh?

Breakfast here has always been my favourite part :)

A day before the engagement. (Note the Washington t-shirts)

The four youngest boys in the family. From left: Aqif, and his uncles Dedek, Adib, and Akeem. Semua bakal model terkemuka.

Yong and her friends

Perak-Washington engagement

Yong...and Papa De at the back.

With Waniwanu

With Abang Mie, Yong's only brother.

Snapped by Wani

After the engagement, at the front lawn. From left: Ibu, Mama, Pak Su a.k.a Buya, Mak Su, Ayah Cik (Yong's father).

Pictures of Induk Ti's wedding will be uploaded soon!

Pardon the long gap,

2008-08-05T16:59:00.000+08:00

July test. Flunked. With a thud.

Ok lepastu tak tahu nak cakap apa dah.

Apple Crumble Jeans, Boots With The Furrr

2008-07-20T17:21:00.000+08:00

*New video; Guitars and Fishes.

My father's an excellent cook. And that's a fact! Since he's a stay-at-home dad with all the time in the world, he makes up his own recipes. Sometimes they work, like his own Shepherd's pie (I swear it will blow you away) and the fried petai-ikan bilis-somethings else Negeri Sembilan thing you eat with pulut. And the fried fish marinated with something he wouldn't tell me.

"Chefs don't tell people their recipes," he said. "Yeah and what do you suppose I do with it even if I know?" "Heh tah, awak bukan reti masak. Ok la Abah taruk bawang putih, halia,...dah tu je, lain tak boleh. Heheheh."

But there are other times when they just blow. Like that time he made me oats for breakfast. "I improvised a bit," he told me after I took a bite. I guess he saw the look on my face. I looked at the oats. No, nothing wrong. So why does it taste like...."ABAH TARUK TELUR YEH!!?" "HEHEHEHEH" "Patutla hanyir!!" I squealed. "Saje testing testing." He might as well have said "Padan muka!" because then he forced me to take three more spoons of the egg-oats. I almost puked. He just laughed.

Today he made apple crumble. Despite the burnt raisins he mistakenly put at the top before putting it in the oven, it was exquisite! "Hahaha sorry lah, Abah mistake. Raisins tu dah hangus, nampak macam taik kambing." For a second there I almost lost my appetite.

The Little Things

2008-07-18T18:35:00.000+08:00

Brief intro. Ehem.

Zeqi Zawawi: Class monitor. "Bangun semuuuuut" "Cikgu hanya membuang masa cikgu" "TEYENGS"

Zahrararara: Assistant monitor. Selalu hilang. The best counselor in the world. Suka dengar mp3 bawah tudung. G-D-O bersama Babytches. "Bluetooth bluetooth" "ZEQI MANA BKK!"

e-Line: Ah long. Always absent once a week. Rakan kongsi bekal. Gay. A Babytch. My rock :) "EEEE cikgu ni BANGANG" "Elyn, roller" "Ja, you going down?" "Zaynelyn"

Nurul AlianNazim: Non-existent most of the time. Pink and orange. A Babytch."Ija I love youu" "Nazim"

Fared Curly: Rambut terhebat. Suka conteng segala depan mata. Especially tangan orang. Paling selamba dengan handphone. (Cikgu kaunselor) "Mana yang afro tu?" "Ija jom serong" " Ija bawak apa hari ni?" "Eee saving"

Amar: Isu rambut juga. Tak suka Rohana. Fly time Science. Ngantuk. "Ija pinjam buku" "Eh dah siap Addmaths?" "Ija ah busuk"

Low: Pengawas "bertauliah". Favourite cikgu English. "Aiyo donno la teacher" "I forgot la teacher" "Sorry teacher I won't do it again" "Ija borrow your book for a while"

Acapdonut: = Zeqi. Pernah kena rotan by mistake.

ArepHeartbreaker KETARAS: Partner in crime. "Hi Ija" "Ija, hi" "I'm s-s-so sorry, I didn't mean to break your heart, b-b-b-break it baby, I'm a heartbreakah"

Athira: *poke*

Meera: "HI darling" "OMG Ijaaa I want this poem"

Pia: Tidur dan makan secara terang-terangan.

We had Sivik last Friday. It was the last period. On a Friday. Siapa nak belajar. Cikgu JJ pun tak digemari ramai. Lepas tu suruh pulak kitaorang buat pantun 2 kerat and present dekat depan kelas. Tajuk: Rumah Terbuka. Zeqi's group consisted of Farid, Donut, and Zafir. Their group was last to present. And my God, it was the best presentation EVER.

"Rumah terbuka nak besar-besar,
Orang yang datang tak banyak mana,
Kalau korang kurang ajar,
Meh sini saya belasah anda!

Cikgu Jamaliah pergi ke pasar,
Sempat singgah ke rumah terbuka,
Matahari panas kulit nak terbakar,
Inilah pantun kami, kumpulan Setia!"

And of course they won the loudest applause. Bahahaha.

A little scene during PK. Notice the PK teacher in front ;)

Me, Fared, Zararara, Elyn

Fared and Zara

Low, my wang zi who calls me ke ai ;)

Oh and she never noticed :)

Guitars and Fishes

2008-07-07T17:00:00.000+08:00

I've been having a cold for the last 3 days. I woke up yesterday and the first thing I thought was "Shite. Nose stuffed like a kebab. How the hell am I gonna sing??!!"

I ran to the bathroom and blew my nose until I felt like it was gonna fly off on the next blow. Felt slightly better, but still not good. I tried a song. Oh GOD I sound worse than Britney, what to do what to do what to dooo! I ran down and took a vitamin tablet. Pondered over it and took another. Then I got ready, packed up my guitars, daddy's handkerchief, and left for Pippa's house.

We practiced all twelve songs before the show. Then they called us down. That time I started sneezing because the room was dusty. I started cursing in my mind too. I blew my nose one last time before going down and thought to myself, AH TO HELL WITH IT, just ask Elyn to knock you dead with her mike should you ever sneeze in the middle of a song.

So I got down and we arranged the chairs and the mike and the keyboard. Took our places. Sat down. Looked at each other nervously. Izzati with her red acoustic, playing rhythm. And so was I, with my James. Pips with my blue Ibanez 'cause it's the only one with a pick up (she was playing all the solo parts--wearing a tudung, beat that) I looked behind at Elyn, standing over her keyboard. Then I leaned towards my mike and spoke...

"Umm hehe lagu pertama kami ialah..." I looked at Pips.
"...Joget Pahang."

I counted, then off we started. Went well, I think. Until the part where I screwed up the chords. But thankfully they were playing loud enough to drown my mistakes.

The next song was an instrumental. "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton. Elyn on the keyboards. We played until halfway through when Elyn stopped. We kept on playing, then she stopped again. We looked at her, but kept on playing. Then it got normal again, but then she stopped. Again. And when she tried to pick it up, it was at the wrong verse. So the whole song sounded worse than retarded. As soon as we finished, Pips leaned towards me and whispered, almost disappointedly, "That. Was. A mess." I mouthed, "I know". Turns out the old thing was screwed, so Elyn just had to do the rest of the performance on the piano.

Next song was "Bubbly", which was one of my favourites out of the lot. It was nice, I particularly liked our arrangement. The next was alright, can't remember, can't remember, then it was "How Do I" by LeAnn Rimes. I had to sing this one. I thought I would be singing all the M's and N's with B's and D's or with a few "achooooooo" 's in between. But I didn't, thankfully. Next was Eternal Flame (Yes I KNOW the songs are from the Victorian Era but it wasn't me who chose them. Pip's sister did; it was her engagement) That wasn't bad either. Was quite good actually.

My favourite had to be "Sway". I hated the chords when I first played it, but then sort of liked it 'cause it was fun to perform. I think I sang a little better on this song too. I lost all nervousness by the second or third song, so I really enjoyed this one.

Next was "Something Stupid". I cringe whenever I think about this one. I sang the wrong part at the end of the song and so the repeated "I love you" 's at the end had to be skipped. I just looked at Pips and smiled.

After a few more songs, our last was "Top Of The World" by Carpenters. It was alright, Izzati sang the verses and we joined her at the chorus. Was a fun performance, 'cause we didn't really care that much anymore. We just had fun with it.

After that I met Mama and Wani at KLCC. Elyn and I walked all the way from Pippa's house to Giant just to find a freaking taxi. And all the way we got a few Kancils and some kereta kodok offering us a ride. "Hai dik, nak tumpang?" "Nak pegi mana ni dik?"

Then we finally met them at KLCC. Had a drink. Then Ma was like, "Eh mana yang fish spa kita nampak tu? Jom pergi jom?" Elyn and I didn't really care what spa it was, just the sound of it was like heaven after all the walking.

So we went to Pavilion where the spa is. Washed our feet, sat by the pond and dipped our feet in it. Elyn and I waited first and watched the little fish nibbling at Ma's and Wani's feet. They were already laughing like hell from the ticklish feeling.

"IJAAA I takut," "Tahu, kita pun. Takpe takpe, just dip your heels in first," and so I did. She tried to, but as soon as the fishes nibbled at her foot she screamed and laughed and pulled it out.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??!" "Eeeew big fish big fish stay away yuk yuk" (this was said between endless laughs) The fish's bite wasn't at all painful, it was REALLY ticklish. Like light, electrifying pokes. Like nails scratching lightly at your feet. Ha.

After more screams and laughs we finally got used to it. We sat there for half and hour. It was actually fun, I tell you, watching the fish eating up your dead skin cells. I wonder how my feet tasted like to them, hahaha. After that we just roamed on our own around Pavilion, waiting for Ma and Wani to finish shopping.

Oh yeah, did I mention that Elyn and I did all this... in a baju kurung and a kebaya? =D

Recorded by Wani

Ma: "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Part 1 of something

2008-07-05T23:34:00.000+08:00

“Please, Ebbie, I love you,”
“You know, I wonder how she can not notice it when you look at her double D’s and tell her the same thing,”
“What are you talking about? I would never do that. I want you,” he looks at me straight in the eyes and gives me the we’ll-settle-this-nicely-with-a-kiss-and-dinner look.
I stare at him.
“I can’t believe you could still put on a straight face and tell me that as though I can’t tell when you’re lying.”
“I’m not! When have I ever lied to you?”
“Every time you move your mouth,” I retort.
“Oh c’mon Eebs. I would never ever lie to you. I’ve never….no, not to you at least,” he looks tensed and somewhat uneasy. He scratches his head. Looks away.
He is such a transparent pig.
“Because I…love you?"
Oh for heaven’s sake— “Look, if I ever wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart. Now just leave.” I say, slamming the door. I wish it hit him right in the nose. I suck in air till I can’t see my stomach. Wish he would just go.

This blows more than a slut. I hate men. Particularly this one. I can’t believe he actually has the balls to come up to my doorstep after I caught him groping that skinny b-

Ok Ebbie, get a grip. You need a walk. At the park. Grab a Caramel Macchiato on the way. Watch fat little kids run around. Hyper-ventilate. It should help with something.

I turn around, grab my umbrella and open the door.

What the f is he still doing here?!

“Ebbie, I’m sorry.”
God. He can’t look any more pathetic now. He looks like a sad mime. Like “Oh take me home with you, I’m scared”.

Ok scratch the puppy line.

“What are you doing here?” I ask irritably.
“I’m sorry,” he pleads, and hands out a bouquet of lilies. I stare at it. Now he’s really giving me the look. Really pushing it here.
I feel sick all of a sudden.
“Do you think this is some sort of a game? Do you really think that after what you did, you can just come up to my house with flowers,” (and chocolates, and Starbucks, and donuts, and cards, and a teddy bear) “and I’d wake up in your bed the next morning?”
“No, Ebbie, please. I just want you to forgive me. Look, Eebs, I don’t know what else to do. I’m so tired of arguing." WELL surprise, surpsrise.
“I told you I’m really sorry,” he sighs.

I’m tempted to take the flowers and leave but that would be mean. So I snatch them and dart past him. On the way out of my front gate, I toss them on the lawn beside me. I can hear him picking the bouquet up and his Clarks catching up with me as I turn the corner.
“Ebbie,” he calls out. I speed up. Surprisingly there aren’t many people blocking my way today. Ok well maybe an umbrella in my hand and stains on my t-shirt make me look somewhat like a psychopath out for revenge.
Maybe I am a psychopath out for revenge.
“Ebbie, please, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t a band-aid, Eli!” I say, trying to lose him. I jog a little faster.

....Chapter 2 coming up!

Stre-e-etch

2008-06-21T21:14:00.000+08:00

I've been taking up Yoga lessons for almost a month now. I tell you, it AIN'T EASY. My sister Wani has been doing it for over a year. She does it every other day at home by herself too, but I have never thought that this 5"1 budak can actually do a split. And a headstand. And touch the floor with her head, standing. And some other various things like lipat-lipat her body and stuff herself inside a luggage. Ok tu belum lagi but she has thought about it ;) Daddy calls her Yogi Bear, hahaha.

Mama and Daddy and Wani had been nagging me about being so stiff and that I should join Yoga. And so is the pain in the left (and sometimes right) side of my waist. I had this pain in my waist last year and it hurt so much it was excruciating to walk (Kakak jahat dia panggil adik dia tempang) So I went to Ampang Puteri and did some tests. They did a urine test in case my ginjals (ginjal apa ha dalam English tak ingat la) were the cause. Then they did an ultrasound on my abdomen to see if something was in my tummy or something. Doctor yang buat test tu ya Allah handsomenyaaaa. Then they X-rayed my abdomen. Then they did an MRI test. Haha I tell you the sounds the machine made were so stupid. The little bed moved into the tunnel with a dub dub dub sound I felt like I was in a printer. Then once I was inside, these freakish sounds went on like DIIIIIIIIIIIIING BOOM BOOM BOOM deng deng deng deng. Macam lagu techno. Macam kereta nak reverse pun ada.

After that the specialist concluded that it was only muscular growing pains. My bones were growing too fast my muscles couldn't catch up, so they were kinda stretched or something like that. So I was advised to do regular stretching, most preferably Yoga. For goodness sake I can't even reach my ankles, let alone my toes!

After some time the pain faded but it came back recently. So that's when Ma and Wani really talked me into taking up Yoga. So I did. My first lesson was pure Yoga. Like, Yoga yoga. My instructor's name is Ambika.

IT WAS PURE TORTURE.

Trust me, if you're one of those people who can't even touch your toes, you will suffer through Yoga. But thankfully, there were easier options for beginners. But I don't think I even made it pass beginners' level. If the lesson wasn't bad enough, the next morning was even worse. I woke up feeling like I didn't want to wake up.

My next class was with another instructor, Joanna. I like her methods better. She combined Tai Chi, Pilates and Yoga altogether, so it was not as serious. And she'd always go like "YEAH baby! You can do it! Feeeeel the stretch in your thighs! C'mon baby! Legs stay strong!"

After a few classes I felt a slight change. Very slight, though. I feel a little lighter. Not so wound up like before. Before I was so tight. And so very very unfit. I felt a little like a sloth. But yeah, I think I'd be doing Yoga for quite some time.

I did a camwhoring session with Wani a few moths back. (Ma bought me an SLR for my birthday) Wani wanted to do Yoga poses. I knew nothing about Yoga back then, but I played along.

This is the Warrior pose. Might look easy but even Wani doesn't like it. I, well I almost died :)

I told you I didn't know Yoga.

I told youuu. *SO proud of her*

An accidental snap. I just think it's pretty.

Hah,

2008-06-09T16:27:00.000+08:00

You tell me.

PMSing

2008-06-05T19:46:00.001+08:00

Girls, don't you just hate PMS? It always leaves you feeling guilty. Like shit on a fan. (I don't know how that's so guilty but what the heck)

For example, yesterday, I was eating fish nuggets while watching TV when suddenly a pang of dolefulness hit me like a bulldozer. It just came, like a hiccup. Felt like I was choking on a plum and at any minute now I would see it flying across the room from my mouth. It was like a mixture of every negative feeling in the world glued into one tight ball. I just had to let it out, whatever it was. And I did get it out, by getting teary-eyed. I even let out a couple of muffled "tsk tsk".

For no reason at all.

While eating insipid fish nuggets.

Watching E! News. (Yeah I said "What the hell?" too as soon as I felt my eyes water. Hahah)

I lost my cool many times, and lashed out when it was too much. Then I would feel guilty, because the offended would make that wounded dog face. Boohoo. Then I would apologize. Then they would piss me off again. But this time I'd just shoot them an eat-shit-and-die look.

Oh yeah I turn a little foul-mouthed too. Like you haven't figured that out. But it's only temporary :)

Maybe

2008-05-30T13:52:00.000+08:00

You'll only know who really cares about you when things are screwed.

How do you stop all her tears that haven't even started?
How do you mend her heart when you'll be the one to break it?
How do you look into her eyes and tell her a lie?
How do you stay when all she sees is goodbye?

How do you tell him you can no longer go through it all?
How do you say the words, step back, and watch it all fall?
How do you tell him that trust does not back up a lie?
How do you tell him, tell your baby goodbye?

-the lyrics to one of my songs-

Maybe you've found somebody new,
Maybe she's so much better for you,
Maybe you'll be much happier this time,
And finally get me out of your mind.

I can do nothing but wish you the best,
It's alright this time, it's all in the past,
I might find somebody new for me too,
But nevertheless, I'd still think of you.

-random poem-

Foundations

2008-05-22T18:38:00.000+08:00

Tell me. When you think about relationships, what do you really think about? It doesn't have to be a lovey-dovey one, it doesn't matter if it's platonic or friendly. What do you think lies behind it?

Well to me, any kind of relationship should be based on trust, honesty, and loyalty. Then you just sprinkle some affection, romance, attraction and other sugar and spice on top, then you'd have a relationship served. But what happens if trust and honesty are trampled on? What happens when they're taken away? What would be left in the relationship?

It'll be like a bowl of banana split with no ice cream. All that's left is the banana, and even that is already split. Or like a Ferrero Rocher with none of those chocolaty goods inside. All that's there is the hard, nutty shell on the outside that'll soon crumble in your hands anyway. Or, it'll be like a building with no foundation to hold it up. It will eventually collapse, no?

Because when trust and honesty is lost, you might as well lose everything else. The sweetness of a moment shared with a companion would not be tasted if you cannot trust them with honesty. It would only be like sharing biscuits with a distant acquaintance. Affection and romance are as much an accessory as trust and honesty are a necessity in a relationship. If you try to patch things up with it, you might as well be strangers across the street who only come by to send over some pudding with a forced smile.

But how you love him. Oh boohoo. Another chance? Well you gave him that. Would it be the same? You doubt it. We forgive but we just can't forget, can we? It would take more than convincing words to gain your trust back. Oh so much more. And when you expect him to understand you the most, he gets upset and tell you that you've already put a stop to the journey. And then you recall him being the one who said he'd respect your decision, what ever it may be.

So what do you do? Wait? Mope around like you've lost your cat?

Move on?

Oh but how you love him.

You LOVE him, no?

...but wait. Isn't love supposed to be what we have in relationships? And aren't relationships supposed to have...

Zairi the Warrior

2008-05-17T18:38:00.000+08:00

zAiRi says:
anyway, good luck in your love life ya
Pia says:
hahaha thank u
Pia says:
kalau mereka buat hal
Pia says:
adik suruh zairi rembat punggung mereka ye
zAiRi says:
jangan kan rembat
zAiRi says:
saya sula sahaja
Pia says:
oh
Pia says:
itu lagi baekk
zAiRi says:
sula pakai penyapu
Pia says:
dan mop?
zAiRi says:
penyapu, mop, bulu ayam, cangkul, penyodok, dan alat yang seangkatan dengannya lah kalau dia berani buat hal dengan my adik
zAiRi says:
kalau apa2 adik let me know ok yang

There you go. My brother Zairi says it all, hahahahah.

Lie

2008-05-12T13:37:00.000+08:00

A lie to cover up the truth,
A lie to blind the heart,
A lie to gain my trust in you,
Pierced through me like a dart.

A lie that was as foolish as
the motive that hid behind,
A lie to put me to the test,
See what was on my mind.

A lie to prove my honesty,
intentions, and my thoughts,
A lie you told so you could see
If I was just a fraud.

A lie that should not have been told,
One that should have been left
alone till all the questions unfold,
and the answers unravel itself.

Island Breeze

2008-04-24T21:24:00.000+08:00

I wrote this back when I was on vacation at Pemanggil Island, May last year. Well the sweet zephyr had its way of blowing words into my head to write mushy poems like this. Heh. This one's one of my favorites, simply called "The Island".

The vast sky was a fiery azure,
A pretty sight, of that I'm sure,
It reflected upon the choppy sea,
Just like his smile has been on me.
Took a walk along the rocks,
Saw the birds fly away in flocks,
Tunes of love seeped into my mind,
As I thought of the boy I left behind.
I knelt down with a stone at hand,
and wrote his name upon the sand,
Although the sea washed it away,
It's carved in my heart and here to stay.
I walked on by as a seagull flew,
It seemed to say, "he's waiting for you!",
And as I looked up to the sky, amazed,
The clouds gathered to form his face,
And it shall be with me everywhere I go,
I know because I miss him so.

Puppy Love (short poem)

2008-04-24T21:19:00.000+08:00

It's not the side
effects of the
pills I took today,
Neither is it
the aching pain
on my back that won't go away.

It turns me pink,
makes my knees tremble,
Sends me flying over the moon.
It left me wanting
him more than ever,
Just this afternoon.

Got me delirious,
I feel like I'm
flying like a dove.
It's nothing serious,
I'll be just fine,
I'm guessing it's puppy love.

Poem Orang Jealous

2008-04-24T20:38:00.000+08:00

I was walking through the park last night,
With bad memories to erase;
When I saw him there in the sheer moonlight,
With his hand around her waist.

I knew I shouldn't have stopped and stared,
I knew I should have turned my face;
But it was so warmly placed right there,
Curled nicely around her waist.

Then I started to remember all the times
He had set my soul ablaze,
With the same sweet motion, every time
His hand wrapped around my waist.

Then I wondered if he had felt it too
Every time my skin he'd grazed;
But he never did and will never do,
For his hand is around her waist.

Now I sit in my room, just wondering why
I was caught up in him for days,
Now she'd have to live with all his lies,
While his hand is around her waist.

I Fell In Love With The Hairdresser

2008-04-21T22:20:00.000+08:00

This is a story that most of you
might laugh at when I'm done,
And if you knew
what I've been through,
Don't go telling everyone.

I decided to spoil myself one day,
Just wanted to go somewhere;
Didn't want to stay
At home all day,
So I went out to do my hair.

After a special treatment and
was time for a wash and dry,
It was then when
a handsome man
Looked at the mirror into my eyes.

He then rolled up his sleeves and ran
his fingers through my hair,
His face I scanned,
As his smooth hands
were combing with such care.

I melted with every gentle stroke,
As he softly shampooed my head;
Fire he stoked,
As he evoked
emotions better left unsaid.

I sat there with a funny feeling,
A feeling I can't define;
As I was leaving,
My head was spinning
with the hairdresser in my mind.

I tried to sleep just for awhile,
But a voice was saying aloud;
"Yes, you did smile,
but was it worthwhile?"
I phoned the salon and asked him out.

It was something like a miracle,
When he actually agreed;
It's just physical,
But is it possible
that to something else it could lead?

And so I went out the next day,
Met him at the salon;
Walked to a cafe,
There was no delay;
We really got it going on.

Until the time he got me when
he finally had me subdued,
When came in a man,
That he called 'boyfriend';
Then I noticed his Prada shoes.

He winked at him as he walked over,
and finally poured the rain:
"We live together,"
are the words I never
want to hear from a man again.

I felt like breaking down the walls,
But held back by self-restraint;
And after it all,
I swore not to fall
for another hairdresser again.

Bear in mind, however, that this event did not happen to me. It is purely fictional. (Ok well maybe I did get the idea from a personal experience...but not the whole story though)

Heheh. I might even submit this to the school mag ;)

And then...crash.

2008-04-19T22:57:00.000+08:00

Ok so today my school had this hari anugerah cemerlang for PMR, SPM and STPM candidates. I, being the lucky butch I am, am one of the 78 students who scored straight A's for PMR 2007 ( I'm trying to say this with sincere modesty ) so I went sambil memakai baju kebaya Dyll dengan selamba dan tak malunya.

So after shaking hands with the balding man on the stage, I went down to receive my RM 200 ( again, with sincere modesty ). We all received a glass trophy with our name printed on it, a certificate, and the moolah. Then after the thing was over, I took a picture with Jiebum. And konon nak memarketkan trophy and the sijil at the same time punya pasal, maka terslip lah trophy yang sedih itu dari tangan ke lantai konkrit. Terbahagilah trophy kaca itu kepada 2. Ok, 1/4. Tak sampai beberapa minit nak sayang trophy tu, dah ada pattern yang tak flattering langsung.

Just goes to show how clumsy I can be.
I sometimes even fall off my chair for no reason in class.
I was walking around school once and suddenly I hideously went "WHOOOP!" and ended up with one foot in the drain.

Mati la dengan mama.

Tenenene

2008-04-17T22:07:00.000+08:00

Cinta:
1. Sharing sebungkus nasi lemak dengan Faris during recess. It always tastes better when he eats with me :)
2. Books yang bila habis baca tu reaction macam "Whoa."
3. Chips-Ahoy!
4. Playing my favorite song on iTunes and setting it on repeat mode till the play count reaches to about 17.
5. Underwear kiut-miut yang bila tengok tu macam "Alalalaaaa!"
6. Daddy gemuk: "Adik nak minum teh tak?" (eventhough kadang-kala terasa tua la jugak.)
7. Conteng-conteng baju. Lagi lagi baju sekolah.

Benci:
1. Puan Rohana yang sukaaa sangat kejar budak-budak dengan rotan. (Eh dia lari laju tau, jangan terkejut.)
2. Mak cik bookshop berlipstick merah.
3. My favorite pens running out of ink.
4. Any pens that have ran out of ink.
5. On second thought I don't really like pens.
6. Retainers.
7. Mak cik bookshop.